I haven’t posted anything in quite some time! I am not really sure why – but I am coming back down from “Planet Nowhere”. Just wanted to say HI!
Thursday Night Bootcamp
Tonight’s bootcamp was intense! Bootcamp tonight: Run 4 laps, 100 Squats, 50 situps, 25 pushups, 25 lunges, 25 pushups, 50 sit-ups, 100 Squats, Run 4 laps again. I don’t think I have ever sweated so much in my life! My big accomplishment was that I ran the 4 laps in the beginning and the 4 laps at the end without stopping. This tiny accomplishment made me feel really happy! It’s the wonderful small little pushes you give yourself that make all the difference. At one point, I think while I was doing one of the sets of 100 squats, I could feel my heart POUNDING inside my chest. I just thought about how hard my body was working. I almost stopped at the last set of 100 squats – I reached 80 and I felt really sick to my stomach and started actually feeling a little cold – like my body temperature was going down. Josh, one of the trainers came over and helped me do the final 20 squats. Then I ran my 4 laps and it felt sooo good to be done! It definitely felt like an accomplishment of mind + body.
Filed under body, exercise, fitness, Gastric Banding, Health, obesity, weight loss, weight loss surgery
Happy 2-Year “Bandiversary”!
I have passed the 2-year mark since getting my lap band. Time is going by so fast, it seems. I am sometimes not sure time really reflects change or change reflects time. Perhaps they are like odds and ends, ups and downs – you really can’t have one without the other.
I have started fitness bootcamp and this is a brand new endeavor that I never-in-a-million-years thought I would take on. When I look back on my life, I dreaded any type of physical activity that involved me being around other people. I loved playing basketball – but I was always the slowest person on the team. Those damn suicide drills literally felt like emotional & physical suicide. I despised P.E. class. I cringed at the fitness competition my elementary school had to do each year. Recently, my best friend and I visited our Elementary school and I laughed at how I would cheat on the number of straws I had to represent how many laps I took around the field. What a nightmare! I didn’t as much mind the gym – everyone kind of keeps to themselves. But to workout with people was a total non-desire. It always made me so anxious that other people would see what poor shape I was in!
I turned a corner 2 weeks ago when a friend of mine convinced me to join Fit Wit. She told me how nice everyone was – said there are some people who are super hardcore fit – and others who are average – and some that are beginners – but that everyone is very supportive. I really hated the idea of doing something that put me in a situation where I had to exercise with other people in a confined space – do drills and stuff. Well, long story short I decided to do Fit With b/c I was awarded 1 free session (6-weeks) b/c I wrote a blog entry for a competition they were having on why I deserved a free session.
Today was the first day of my 3rd week doing bootcamp … and I can’t believe these words are about to come out of my mouth … but I LOVE IT! Everybody is so nice and supportive! The trainers definitely push you, but they aren’t like those psycho trainers you see on TV (I am thinking of the Military sergeant in the movie Full Metal Jacket). And on top of this, I am really enjoying all the different activities we do each night. It spices it up. I am not dreading saying to myself, “Ugh, I have to go to the gym and get on the treadmill for 30 minutes). Instead, there are little activities you do in short but difficult increments of time. Everything is thought out for me too, so I just have to literally show up and do it! I am still learning how to do the correct form for some of the stuff – like squats. And I get a full 1-hour workout 4 days a week. I haven’t lost any weight yet, I think my body is like, “Whoa! What the hell are you doing?” But I am staying confident that I am building muscle and the weight will come off. I don’t think I have ever pushed myself this hard before in such a short amount of time too. If I can do it, I know you could, too.
Last Friday was my 2-year Lap “Bandiversary” and I was awarded, serendipitously, camper of the week! I won 20-free dance classes! There are so many moments during the camp when I think to myself, “I f***ing can’t believe I am actually doing this!” I picture how scared I was 2 years ago going into the hospital and now knowing what kind of person I would become when I walked out of there. It’s fun to push myself. Even though I have lost 90 lbs, I want to push my body and mind even further. I want to be in tip top shape. I want to keep changing over time into being a better, healthier “me.” It takes time, and I know I am not perfect, and don’t always eat perfectly or have the perfect thoughts or attitude or energy – but at least I am making baby steps!
Filed under body, exercise, fitness, Food, Gastric Banding, Health, Inspirational, obesity, physical, Support, weight loss, weight loss surgery
Life: The Battle of Calories & Control
Things are going pretty well in my life. I mean, I can always find something to complain about, “I need more money” … “Oprah is leaving me next year. WHY!!!!!” Last week really put a lot in perspective for me. I know 2 people who lost their lives. One was a sorority sister of mine, only 26-years-old, who died after a 2-year battle with cancer. The other person was friend of a friend who tragically died on Tuesday in an auto accident on her way to work. This really puts things in perspective, especially as we inch toward Thanksgiving.
I will never forget when my sister pulled me aside during our “you need to lose weight” talk. We were in the Bahamas during Christmas of ’06 – when I fell off that jet ski – and was the moment I realized I needed to lose weight. (Read my blog entry about it here.)
Although I didn’t have major medical issues, I knew I was on my way to having something like diabetes if I didn’t lose weight. I was still in denial. I remember saying to my sister, “What if I try really hard to lose weight and I end up dying from something else, like a coconut falling on my head, or a car crash?” And she said, “Well, at least you know you tried everything you could.” So it was kinda like one of those thoughts, “What if I tried really hard to not die from a bad heart or diabetes but something else ends up killing me anyways.” I guess that’s a normal reaction. But I knew I needed to do everything I COULD to be healthy. We are out of control in so many ways in our lives. So if I end up dying from a coconut falling on my head, I guess so be it. At least loved ones, and my own Spirit, won’t be able to say, “If only she had done something about that weight. She could have lived longer.”
This brings me some sort of peace. Also a little anxiety when we realize how out of control we are. Elizabeth didn’t ask for cancer. Errin didn’t ask for that fateful Tuesday morning. But perhaps there is some peace in something happening to you that’s outside of your control. It brings up Spiritual/Religious/Existential questions. But nobody can ever say, “If only they had done something different” It was what it was. So for me, I am trying to live a healthy life so that I can have as many years on this planet as possible … to travel the world … make a difference … have a family. And if something, by fate’s chance, happens. Then it is to be. At least I can say that I am taking my own health in my hands.
I am proud to say that I have officially lost 93 pounds!!! I can’t believe it! I had a huge drop this week – I lost like 6 pounds. I am not really sure why…I haven’t been overly trying, nor have I not been trying. Plus, it’s the holidays, and even the healthiest of people are overcome with food temptations! I am only 6 pounds away from losing 100 pounds! I honestly can’t believe it! The Lap Band has honestly saved me. It’s been hard, lots of acid reflux, vomiting, saying “no” to cookies, waking up at 7am to train for my first 10K, etc. It has not been easy. But it’s surely been worthwhile.
Visit my blog at Live Life To The Fullest
Filed under body, Diet, Food, Gastric Banding, Health, Lap Band, obesity, Reflection, weight loss, weight loss surgery
Hello…Again!
I don’t know why I have been on a writing hiatus lately … I just honestly think I have been feeling like I don’t have anything to write about. This is completely untrue! I mean, blog writing is just about writing – not necessarily about writing anything witty or inspirational or downright honest. Blog writing is just about writing! It makes me super happy to write. So I must keep writing. I’ve been so busy lately with my job and my recent photography show and being with friends. All wonderful things though that I should be proud of!
I feel like I have been eating out a lot lately. I have been working out on and off – I haven’t been as strict but I haven’t been slack either. I need to be a little more strict though – like tonight I didn’t work out but I should have. The trick is not making myself feel bad about this. Tomorrow is a new day!
My favorite thing I ate today was a tiny sliver of cheesecake at work. If you know me, you know that I LOVE CHEESECAKE. I swear – cheesecake is the only food that I literally feel like it goes straight to my soul. When my mom was pregnant with me, she only had a craving for cheesecake. So it’s not surprising that my favorite food in the world is cheesecake. A co-worker made some and I took a little sliver of it b/c I didn’t want to feel denied – but I also didn’t want a whole piece. It’s nice that I can show myself that I can have a little of this and a little of that and still feel in control. I will admit, when I go to NYC in 2 weeks, I am definitely going to have to get NYCheesecake (to me, the “C” in cheesecake is deserving enough to be part of the NYC abbreviation).
I ordered some cold weather running pants and a little glove and hat so now I have zero excuse not to workout even in a blizzard!
Filed under Cheesecake, cooking, Gastric Banding, Health, Lap Band, obesity, Reflection, weight loss, weight loss surgery
With My Friend, The Spatula
I have gotten back into my passion for cooking. Maybe it’s just the fact I’ve been more committed to cutting back my carbs, or the new season of Top Chef Las Vegas, or my Sunday matinee of Julie & Julia. Either way, I am glad to be back with my friend, the spatula. She’s a good friend by the way.
I really enjoyed Julie & Julia. I actually liked the part about Julia Child better than the Julie part (despite my favor in name 
) I think the “Julie” part – being about a blog writer definitely relates to a younger audience. If they made a feature autobiographical movie about Julia, I don’t think it would have gotten the same audience and warm response from people of all ages. Of course, perhaps I am just jealous that a blog writer got her blog made into a movie!
Tonight I made some spicy thai shrimp. I steamed the shrimp in a pot. I always find it a funny science that in order to thaw something, you let running COLD water onto it. One would think you would do hot water. This little tid bit makes me smile for some reason.
I mixed the shrimp in with some fresh mushrooms and spicy green curry sauce from Trader Joe’s. Then I mixed it together with some peanut sauce. Peanut sauce makes everything taste good! This would have been really good with rice, but I am keeping my commitment to only eat carbs 2 times per week. I had a pretty “carby” weekend (I’ll just make that a word), so I served it on top of spinach. It looks a little messy in the photo but it was very tasty!
Spicy thai shrimp
This is from my blog Live Life To The Fullest
Filed under cooking, Food, Gastric Banding, Health, Lap Band, weight loss, weight loss surgery
More To Love, More To Think About
I have mixed feelings about the show More To Love. I watched it for the first time tonight after Family Guy and after NYC Prep. My Tuesday nights are getting way too exciting 
There is something that really annoyed me about the show and I can’t put my finger on it. Any of your thoughts, insights and opinions are wanted! I don’t think it’s the premise, because I watched the show. Maybe it’s the guy whose dating the girls? Like, there is something about him that annoys me. He seems really sweet and kind. Maybe it’s the double standard between men, women and weight. Here’s this guy who is overweight but he seems to be like the “Prince” to all of these broken women. Tonight’s episode he hosts a Prom for the women – and so many of them started crying about how they never went to Prom or had awful Prom experiences, etc. I was glad they were able to re-live their experiences into a better one, but on the other hand, I just feel like there’s such a double standard. These women open up about how broken they are and how they haven’t had good experiences with men because of their weight, but what about him? Does he really think he is like the God-send to these women? That he’s the hottest thing since sliced bread? He’s not unattractive, but I don’t think he has the looks OR personality to give him the golden key to these women’s hearts. Personally, I think these women can do a lot better. Maybe it will make sense when I see him with the one he ends up with at the end of the show, but at least tonight, something about it felt unbalanced.
Even though I have struggled with weight, I don’t necessarily feel like I have missed out on my life. Although, I am glad I am solving my issues with weight while I am still young! But I went to Prom, always had a lot of friends, crushes, etc. I haven’t dated dozens and dozens of people, but I have been in love and in a serious relationship – and that relationship’s demise had nothing to do with my weight – we simply weren’t a good match. I now know, being in a healthy minded place, I wouldn’t choose to date the same person again who had unhealthy habits – but I didn’t fall into this relationship, or fall in love, because I didn’t think there would be anyone else for me. It has been very ironic that I was in a relationship 80 pounds ago, but now that I am fit and healthy and happy, I have been single for 2 years! It’s so ironic! And sometimes frustrating. But overall, I also know I don’t settle and don’t plan on settling for any less than I deserve, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Actually, the one part of the show tonight that I totally felt a ping in my heart about was a scene where the Bachelor and his date go horseback riding. He makes some comment like, “I hope the horse can handle my 300 pounds!” In another scene, the girl says something akin to, “I was glad the horse could carry me, I don’t know why it wouldn’t, it carries carts!” I definitely thought, “awwww, I know that feeling.” People don’t realize how being overweight really impacts these daily moments in life. I remember when I was at Disneyland, I was nervous to get on the roller coaster. I had all this anxiety in my head that the bars wouldn’t close. It wasn’t even like I was on a TLC show and couldn’t leave my house! But just being so aware of my weight caused me to be anxious about something as simple as going on a roller coaster. I still find myself catching my thoughts, but they are fewer and farther between. Now, I am excited to do physical activities because my body is turning into that of a more “normal” person. I can’t wait to go horseback riding, zip line in Costa Rica and go whitewater rafting again. The last time I went whitewater rafting was 80 pounds ago, and that life vest was really uncomfortable! And I recently went to Six Flags and had a great time going on the roller coasters and not worrying about those stupid safety bars!
Anyway, that’s my rant about this show. I felt glad that they were highlighting Plus Size women (and a man) as people who deserve just the same amount of love and commitment as anybody else. That’s the bottom line – everyone deserves love. I still go back to that I think a lot of these women – especially if they lost weight and felt better about themselves – could do so much better than this guy. I think they like the attention from him – feeling loved for the first time – and I go back to the first time I felt loved by someone, and overweight or not, it’s a feeling everybody deserves.
This is from my blog Live Life To The Fullest
Filed under body, Diet, Gastric Banding, Lap Band, weight loss, weight loss surgery
