I had a GREAT weekend in Asheville.   I hung out with hippies and re-connected with some of my best girlfriends from college.  We camped out and did morning Yoga and meditation and took a Thai massage class and I did a breathing workshop!  It was very centering to be near all the nature again and my friends.  It felt great to re-connect in a myriad of ways.  

Now back to the real world, but it’s a good world to be in.  

Morning Meditation

Doing Yoga is way more fun when you're not toting around 80 pounds!

This is from my blog Live Life To The Fullest

On a positive note, I weighed myself this morning, and am officially down 76 pounds.  Four pounds away from 80!!!  Which is only 20 pounds away from 100!!! 

I went to this restaurant the other night called Pizza Fusion with Katie and Jennifer.  They both have gluten allergies, so this place is supposed to have a ton of gluten free options.  It was pretty good!  I had some gluten free pizza and a gluten free beer. 

It’s so cold outside.  And th holidays are here!   Yeah!

Today my family (mom, dad, grandma, sister, brother-in-law and baby) all came to the High to see the our new (and amazing!) First Emperor exhibit.  I grew up with my family taking my sister and me to the High Museum, but it was totally fun to take them today now that I work there.  I kind of felt so grown up, haha.  It was a very fun day.  Except we had lunch afterwards at Table 1280, and my Lap Band acted up when I was eating my burger.  It was just the meat part, no bread, and I ate maybe 1/3 – 1/2 of it and then I just felt so much restriction.  I don’t think that I ate too much, but I don’t think I chewed by meat well enough and I had to run to the bathroom to throw up.  Kind of sucked that my parent’s paid for lunch that went to waste, haha, but sometimes you just gotta give in to the band!

I’ve been listening to Coldplay a ton lately.  All of their CD’s.  Coldplay is one of those bands that can either be reflective and beautiful or vulnerable and depressing, just depending on what state your head is in at the time of listening to them.  The weather is cloudy today.  I’ve been really missing being in a relationship lately, and I’m trying to not let that get me down.  I’ve had feelings for some people this year, but nothing that I wanted to take to the next level.  I know that someone amazing will come into my life again at the right time, I just have to remain patient!  And I am not good at keeping patient!  I have to keep the main focus on me.  Seeing my sister and brother-in-law and their baby *really* make me want a family one day.  New Year’s Eve is approaching, and I think about the place I was in my life that time last year, and there have been so many positive changes since that time, of which I am so proud of.  Oh, this NYE I’ll be in New Orleans, which is going to be so much fun!  With 2009 just around the corner, I am looking great.  I have a great job.  I have great people around me.  I guess I’m just itching to meet that next person in my life who will sweep me off my feet  - but I don’t want to do the whole online dating thing (not that there’s anything wrong with it).  I just want to meet someone again the organic, old-fashioned way – I know, that’s sooooo 90′s of me!  You know, the old way – through a friend or through some mutual shared hobby.  I guess when it’s the right time, it’ll be time.  I’ve just been thinking a lot lately about what I want in a person in my next serious relationship, as I have grown so much and know more of what I’m looking for and deserve.  

I am very excited about my life and what this New Year will bring for me.  I have to keep working hard at losing my weight and being healthy, and again, keep the focus on what I do have in my life, not what I don’t have.  And when the time comes for my heart to be open again toward love, I know it’ll be the right person at exactly the next right time!  Until then, I’m keeping positive and reflective and hopeful.  My heart is heavy with all of the love that I have to give, while my body is 75-pounds lighter.  It’s a metaphor worth appreciating…

Gabriel and his favorite aunt!

My food was a hit, and I loved sharing it with my friends.  I made tuna tar tare with wasabi on cucumber.  Chicken with whole wheat bread crumbs, low-fat Jarlsberg cheese and prosciutto.  I also made some baked apples filled with nuts and figs, and lastly I made these whole wheat pizzas with fresh basil, mozzarella, mushrooms and tomatoes.  The one ‘splurge’ I allowed myself was my mom’s wonderful low-fat cheesecake.  I’ll admit, I had another piece tonight and haven’t worked out in a few days, so I feel a little bit guilty about it.  

Whole wheat pizza dough before I rolled it out

Pre-baked pizzas

Some of my favorite healthy cooking ingredients (Mr. Potato head not included)

Healthier ingredients used to bake chicken (red bowl: soy milk and egg whites, blue bowl: whole wheat flour, pink bowl: whole wheat bread crumbs)

I haven’t weighed myself in about 5 days, so I’m not sure what the scale will say.  On one hand, I haven’t been working out as much ever since the daylight savings changed.  But I’m moving around quite a bit at work.  Yesterday I was hungry and went into the museum and bought myself a $1 apple.  It was a pretty darn good apple!  Tomorrow is our work holiday party, which will pretty much be a lot of bad-for-you-food, which is the fun of it, except when you’re trying to lose weight!  Most people I’ve had a chance to really talk to at work know about my Lap Band, so that’s pretty neat.  I am looking forward to the party though, because it’ll be a good time to socialize.  I’m bringing some cookies from Trader Joe’s.  I’ll have to really be good though!

These are the reasons I am SO GLAD I live in a city – I can save on gas, enjoy the weather and most importantly, get exercise doing some day-to-day things or Atlanta outings.

1. Piedmont Park
2. The High Museum
3. Fox Theatre
4. Atlanta Botanical Garden’s
5. Arden’s Garden Organic Smoothies
6. Outwrite Bookstore
7. Helmet Hairworx (my amazing hair stylist Rexx moved here and I can still walk to get my hair done and see Sexy Rexxy!)
8. Yoga Studio
9. Solomon Projects Art Gallery
10. Numerous places to grab a bite
11. Coffee Shops! Coffee Shops! I heart Espresso!
12. Bank of America
13. Trader Joe’s
14. Midtown Art Movie Theatre
15. Metro Dry Cleaners
16. Utrecht Art Supplies
17. And of course…the gym!

When you go out to eat and are craving fajitas, order them with a side of big pieces of lettuce (like they use for chicken lettuce wraps) rather than the flour tortias. Flour tortias have zero nutritional value and are just big, flat, empty carbs. At least with the lettuce, you are getting some nutrients plus zero empty carbs. Try them with some guacamole and salsa. You’ll be amazed at how much you miss the rice, sour cream and cheese. The lettuce can’t really hold as much, also, so you’ll find that you’re not piling on tons of extras. It may be a tad harder to eat so I wouldn’t recommend doing this on a first date!

This is good for restaurants like Chile’s and Applebees, etc. Mexican restaurants rarely have those big pieces of lettuce since they don’t serve lettuce wraps, so instead order a side of regular lettuce and make a fajita salad for yourself. That way you still have the fun of “creating” your meal without the added carbs and empty calories. Also, if you make the salad yourself, you have control over what goes into your salad and what doesn’t. Don’t be afraid to be picky – that’s what you’re paying the restaurant/waiter for. Just leave a little bit more in the tip if you feel as though the waiter has gone above and beyond for you.

Adios for now!

Knowing that the normalcy of food is going to change for me…I’ve set out on a Farewell To Food Tour. The only fan at my show is me. And I’m rockin’ out.

One week & one day until my Lap Band surgery. I’m more excited then anxious. I’ve been waiting 7 months for this. Well, actually 26-years. Could THIS actually be my answer? Could I finally succeed at the one thing I have never been able to succeed at? Could THIS be my answer. Finally!?

And so it goes. When I knew that in a short while I won’t be able to eat like I am used to, my brain began to crave. I know that the benefit outweighs the cost – whatever my many benefits and costs will be. I am logical enough to know that climbing a mountain and not getting winded far outweighs (no pun intended) the cost of not eating an entire cheeseburger. And Lord, I do love a good cheeseburger.

Speaking of cheeseburgers. My Farewell To Food Tour consisted of me making a list of some of the foods I want to eat before my surgery. Many of these foods I’ll be able to eat, in complete moderation, eventually. But even so, it won’t be the same. A few on my list: some dessert at Chocolate Pink, LaBella’s pizza, good BBQ from Swallow In The Hallow, a good cheesy Mexican enchilada and calamari. Calamari, as a matter of fact, is a food that most people, post operation, can never eat again. Has something to do with the consistency of it not doing well with your pouch. So calamari it was.

But it won’t be the same. Only tiny bites at a time. Very specific foods. Never over-eating. If you overeat, you’ll either throw up or get a feeling in your chest that many say feels like you’re having a heart attack. It only lasts a few minutes, but the feeling of it surely sends your brain a signal to not let it happen again.

So, one item on my list, which I am actually embarrassed to admit, is something I am not proud of, but I’ll just go ahead and say it. A Big Mac. You see, I have never, in my life, eaten a Big Mac. I’d never even considered it. I actually don’t even really like fast food. And to be honest, the idea of eating a Big Mac sort of made me feel sick. I’ve never even seen a Big Mac up close. But so it was. If I was ever going to try a Big Mac, I might as well Carpe Diem le Big Mac.

Drive thru. Mid-afternoon. Seriously wondering what I am doing. So many odd feelings going through my head. I pull up to the drive thru and I hear “Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order?” I felt like I was doing something really wrong. I can’t think and I say, “So, what’s the difference between a Big Mac and a Double Quarter Pounder With Cheese?” I don’t think the girl is used to questions, so I hear her ruffle through some manuals and start reading to me in a robot voice the difference between the two. Everything went in one ear and out the other, but I caught bits and pieces. Something about one has lettuce and tomato and the other has onions. One has 3 sesame seed buns and one has two. Oh, and I think the Big Mac has some sort of “special sauce” on it. If any of you have seen Dateline hidden camera investigations on fast food joints, I am sure you’re just like me – you don’t *really want to know what makes that sauce so special.

So I order a Big Mac. I figure I’d better order what they’re known for. This is never going to ever happen again. Driving around to the window I’m stuck behind a black truck. Moving slowly. I am actually having thoughts go through my head like, “Oh my God, I hope nobody sees me here!” I’m looking around my shoulder left and right to make sure I don’t see an old boss or a new friend. Or, worse yet, my Doctor.

This must be how it feels when you pick up a prostitute, I thought. It’s a strange combination of paranoia and excitement. Anticipation and anxiety. Just don’t get caught like Charlie Sheen.

To all those Big Mac lovers out there – this need not offend you. My ex couldn’t believe when were were dating that I had never eaten a Big Mac before. To me, it was so odd and strange that it was a regular menu item when she went to McDonalds. Maybe to me, I had just spent my entire life watching what I ate, so for those rare fast food moments, I usually tried to get the most simple of the choices. It’s insane to me to think most people eat fast food every day or weekly. Most Americans have probably eaten more than one Big Mac. But me. Never. It just wasn’t even an option for my conscience.

And so, I pull around and roll down my window. I hand the worker a crisp five dollar bill and get change back. “Wow,” I think to myself, “This stuff really is cheap.” You really can get a burger and fries and a soda for less than five dollars! I could have supersized for a few extra cents but figured I would be pushing my luck.

My guilt (or maybe the odd similarity between a sliding drive-thru window and a confessional) makes me feel like confessing to the McDonalds employee, “I swear! This is seriously my first time ever ordering one of these! I never even thought about it until I decided to get weight loss surgery. And because of that, I wanted to eat something I had never had and never will again. Please, ma’am, have mercy on my soul (and waistline). Please forgive me for this sin which I am about to commit.”

Now I know how a Catholic feels.

I quickly decide to not confess my cheeseburger sin to the part-time employee who is probably just waiting for her shift to end. She hands me my bag. I feel like a kid who just got a huge bag of candy from the cool neighbor on Halloween. I drive home with total curiosity and excitement. I ride up the 19 floors to my apartment and eagerly open my door, ignoring the fact that I need to feed my cat and water my plants and unload the dishwasher. All that was a fog. I sit on my recliner and open my treasure chest which beholds the magic of my Big Mac. The side of the cardboard Big Mac container had some graphic design of some kid skateboarding. Next to it are the calorie and fat contents. Is this really necessary? It’s like putting the Surgeon General warning on cigarettes. If someone is stupid enough to smoke a pack and be unaware of the side-effects, well, in my opinion, their genes should simply not reproduce and populate our planet anyway.

Alas, I open my little treasure chest and pause to look at my Big Mac. “Oh, that’s what one looks like.” It was one of those rare moments when you are inside and outside yourself all at the same time. Like when you lost your virginity and are completely in the moment but also catch yourself thinking, “Oh, so this is what it’s like…This is what one looks like up close.”

I hold my Big Mac in my two hands – a recommendation on the box from the trusted team at McDonalds.

I sit back and Carpe Diem le Big Mac.

And I have to admit. That sauce was somethin’ special.