This race is the Run Like Hell 5K which is a fundraiser for historic Oakland Cemetery.  I bet there will be a lot of crazy characters in Halloween costumes!  You get to run through the cemetery.  I’ll report back tomorrow after my run.  Right now it’s almost 1AM and I just got back from a party – I didn’t drink anything except glass after glass of water, haha.  I’m off to bed.  Back with more tomorrow!

(L-R) Angela, Leslie & Me. We each got our Lap Bands within 6-weeks of each other!

On Thursday night I met with my “Lap Band Girls,” which is always such a treat.  All three of us are around the same age (okay, I am known as the baby of the group.  But nonetheless, I am the tallest!)  We each got our Lap Band within 6-weeks of one another.  And we all have a lot in common, including our passion for writing and traveling.

I met Angela when I saw a post on Craig’s List to see if there was anyone in the Atlanta area who was getting a Lap Band.  I thought for sure when I responded to it that the person who posted the ad was a middle-aged housewife with four kids who drove a mini van.  Much to my delight, Angela and I had loads in common, are close in age, and above all, share a wicked sense of humor.

I met Leslie about five years ago during my job at Journey Productions, Inc. and through the Landmark Forum.  She and I had been in touch over the past year since she was helping me with my job search.  When I told her that I was about to get a Lap Band, she was 100% interested, jumped on board, and before I knew it, she had set her surgery date!  Leslie and I also have so much in common besides our Lap Band, including traveling, writing, leadership and Leslie really has such a wonderful personality.

We are in the “brainstorming meets action” part of our planning process to begin writing and submitting articles to a publication about our Lap Band journey.  We’re not 100% sure of the focus yet, but I think we’re going to take a 5-week course at Emory together so we can begin writing and pushing ourselves toward our creative goals.  We’ve all had different experiences with our Lap Band, but the one uniting factor is that we are all seeing amazing results! I love when we get together because we, of course, share all the common conversations around the Lap Band (like how much food we can eat and how many times we’ve vomited…not a fun topic of convo when you’re dining out with regular friends), but we also have so many other things in common.

I am really, really grateful to have Leslie and Angela in my life.  They’ve become two really close friends of mine and I look forward to seeing where our friendship + Lap Band journey takes us!

I wrote a post early on that we’re like Charlie’s Angels, not only because of our 3 vibrant hair colors (a blond, a brunette and a red head!), but because, well – simply put, we kick ass.

I’ve been thinking a lot about money.  How could you not?  With the prices of gas and food, it’s difficult to not obsessively think about the green.  Even a movie is $10 in Atlanta.  I know it’s more in NYC.  It’s crazy!  I am so much better about saving money than I used to be.  I have some financial goals that I am wanting to hit this year, just a few things need to line up first.

I’ve cancelled my NETFLIX, HBO, Showtime and gym membership that I used to have at LA Fitness.  These were all big steps for me, as I do not like to feel as though I am sacrificing.  But I am learning that some sacrifices are good.  To “go without” certain things means that you will gain more in the long run.  I think that it’s hard in our world of “instant gratification” to realize that to say “no” to something in the moment means something positive will be gained later.  It’s such a simple formula, but for some reason, it’s hard to live by.  It’s hard to feel denied.  I think that is what my problem was with food. I didn’t want to feel denied.  I didn’t want to not be able to eat the same foods as other people, or the portions.

This has been a big learning experience for me.  And it’s tied into my finances in an interesting way.  I’ve realized that my personality has a difficult time seeing how things “add up” in the long run.  I’m in the moment and creative.  So pounds are a lot like money.  If you deny yourself those $100 pair of jeans, you won’t be in debt in 3 months.  If you deny yourself that chocolate cake, you won’t be up 2 pounds.  The problem with this is that “2 pounds here or $100 there” adds up!  You always hear people who have to lose 100 pounds or who are in severe debt say, “I just don’t know how I got here?”  It’s because every 2 pounds and every $100 add up.  Quickly.  I am learning that when you let one part of yourself go, it’s easy to let everything go.  So now that I’m paying more attention to my weight (pound per pound) I am paying more attention to my money (dollar per dollar).

With this said, it’s a high price to pay to be healthy!  Eating healthy, buying organic, healthy food is expensive.  Making certain food choices when I am out with my friends is more expensive.  It isn’t fair but it is a truth.  Last night I went to Figo Pasta with Terrence, Edward and Simon.  They are known for having really cheap and tasty pasta.  Well, I really can’t eat pasta anymore.  I can eat a little bit, but not enough for a satisfying meal, or else I feel sick.  They do have whole wheat pasta there, but I didn’t want to spend any money on something that I could only eat some of…or would feel sick if I did eat it.  So, I got Eggplant Parmesan (there’s hardly any breading on their Eggplant Parm, so that is awesome!)  Anyway, a bowl of pasta would have been $4.  My Eggplant Parm cost me $8.  Of course I know why – it’s a vegetable and there’s more preparation that goes into making it.  It just kind of sucks that to eat healthy, I have to spend more.

Like with grocery shopping.  I usually shop at Trader Joe’s, which has reasonably priced groceries.  Sometimes I’ll shop at Whole Foods.  But even just to buy the fruit and vegetables at these places adds up so quickly.  After I get a few things lined up, I’d like to join Urban Body Studios.  Even though I go to the gym in my building – frankly it’s getting a little bit old.  Point being – it simply costs you more to live a more healthy lifestyle.  Even to live a Green lifestyle costs you more.  It’s a price that I’m committed to pay though.  I’d rather be sure to get fruits and vegetables than have HBO and Showtime.

But I am human, and sometimes it’s tough to make sacrifices.  Last night I choose to eat a 60-calorie chocolate pudding snack and a banana while my friends ate chocolate chip ice cream.  I said “no” to the ice-cream (instant gratification) because I am more in tune to how my pounds will add up.  It’s still hard though, to say “no” – or to just be aware that you’re spending more just to live and eat healthy.  But I also don’t expect my friends or family to not enjoy what they enjoy simply on account of me.  I am extremely lucky I have very supportive friends.

I will admit that today I had a bunch of Trader Joe’s Cheese Itz and I felt guilty afterwards so I just got back from a run.  Why did I buy them?  Because they were probably cheap!  Bad Julie!  Bad!

Lesson learned.  It’s a higher price to pay to live healthy, but one that I am glad I am choosing.

Maybe there will come a day when being healthy (and living Green) will be the more cost efficient way to live.

Feelings can only be measured by words.
Words can only be manifested into language.
Language are the Myth Gods’ sorry excuse at expression.

Love is Man’s word for God.  
Language is limiting

When it comes
to the Limitless

Now I know why
Monks don’t speak.

Zeus tells Poseidon, “Put down your trident!”  
Let the waves fall where they will,
And the moon pull where it must.   

Don’t try and name it
“Gravitational Pull” 

The second you have named It.
You have lost It.

So yesterday I went on a walk/jog thru Piedmont Park which was really nice.  Then I felt like I ate a lot for dinner, so I went to the gym at around 9PM on a Saturday night before I met up with Stephen in East Atlanta.  I was proud of myself for channeling my boredom and stress into exercise.  It’s hard when you *really don’t feel like working out.  But, I told myself how much better I’d feel afterwards, and that I can’t control other people or situations, I can only control my actions.  

I counted my calories for the day and had a rough estimate that I had already eaten my day’s worth of calories in breakfast and lunch.  I went to brunch at the Flying Biscuit this morning with Edward and Simon.  I had an egg-white omelet and some chicken sausage.  I really wanted some orange juice but passed (too much sugar, although I will admit I had some later on in my day).  I guesstimated the calories for my Flying Biscuit brunch.  Then for a late lunch I snacked more than anything which wasn’t very healthy of me.  I kind of grazed a few of a lot of different things with no real intention.  Tonight Sean and I went to Noodle and I was so tempted to order something.  Of course I would order something healthy, like the chicken wraps, but still…

I never realized how hard it was to sit in a restaurant and not order food (plus, it helped to think about how I didn’t need to spend the extra money).  Since I was kinda restless today, I knew food would make me happy.  All I kept thinking about was the food at Noodle, which mind you, isn’t like covered in gold or anything.  So Sean ordered a Miso Noodle bowl.  I did have a few of his vegetables.  I made the waiter take my menu so I wouldn’t keep browsing it.  I was really proud of myself for not ordering food if I wasn’t hungry.  I didn’t want to be a sympathy eater.  

Last night at around 1AM Stephen and I went to the Midway in East Atlanta.  He was really hungry, I wasn’t all that hungry, but I was kind of wanting to still eat.  I really wanted to order a burger or their veggie corn dog!  But, I got a chicken salad with balsamic vinaigrette.  I ate a few bites and then said to myself, “SELF!  I’m not all that hungry right now, and it’s late, these calories won’t burn off.”  So I got my salad to go.  

Again, I don’t think people who love food like I do know how difficult these moments are.  It IS like saying no to a cigarette, a drink or a gambling weekend if you know that in excess, it’s not good for you.  It is hard.  Lately I’ve been feeling like these moments have been coming up a lot and it’s been tough.  There is still a loss, I feel, with not eating certain comfort food at 1AM (usually cheesy and bready) like I used to.  

But food, when it’s experienced right, is still so amazing!  It’s hard being a social being b/c food is all around you.  But I am proud of myself.  I think when I am busy again my life will feel like more of a groove.  I also don’t want to turn to food to deal with the stress and uncertainty of folks or situations.  I just want to feel how I am feeling and know that it’ll be okay.  And so far…it’s been alright  

Thanks for listening.  I’m about half-way to my ultimate goal!!!

P.S. – TLC’s how I Eat 30,000 calories A Day is on in the background.  Irony is bliss.

Golden Delicious she is not.  The woman is a pioneer on Food Network.  I get that.  But people always give her the benefit of the doubt, “But did you know she used to be agoraphobic and never left her house?”  Really?  I don’t care.  She scares me!  

The episode we watched was all about CHEESE.  And I do *LOVE* cheese, myself.  But it’s frightening what she cooks.  How does she still have a pulse?  Has she not had a cardiac arrest?  Are her arteries not clogged with fat and resentment?  

The best was the “Fried White Chocolate Cheesecake” she made.  As if cheesecake (which is my FAVORITE dessert) isn’t fattening enough, why make it white chocolate?  AND WHY FRY IT?  How are you still alive, woman?  It was funny to watch because the audience was in glutton shock.  Every time you thought she was done with the damn thing, she’d continue in her southern drawl by going, “And that’s not all!”  … “Now we’re gonna drizzle it with chocolate…and that’s not all … now we’re gonna wrap it in a crepe … and that’s not ALL, y’all … now we’re gonna fry it.  And that’s not all … now we’re gonna top it off with real whipping cream … and that’s not all … now we’re gonna drizzle it with chocolate and powdered sugar … don’t forget the fresh mint on top!…”  

Katie and I were in such horrific shock we were screaming at the television set as if Paula could here us, “Please Paula!  Make it stop!”  We added up all the calories on Katie’s calorie counter on her computer and I think it came to about 2500 calories for just the cheesecake.  I’m supposed to have 1200 calories a day on my Lap band.  Most women are supposed to have 1700-2000 calories a day for a healthy metabolism.  WTF Paula!  One piece of your cheesecake is over double what I’m supposed to have in a day.  You are evil and I think your teeth are too sharp and pointed for you to be a human being with a heart (that’s not clogged).  

I’m telling you that this charade of “And that’s not all’s…” went on for what seemed like my entire 26th year of life.  I could feel my heart clogging just watching this.  Her overly bleached teeth and blue hair and that scary smile revel with delight that she is an evil monster that hides beneath fat people’s beds at night.  She is Paula Deen, dammit.  And this is her party.

2.  Being the only one in my family to not order dessert at dinner.  I tasted a bite of theirs which was just as satisfying.

3.  We had this chef come to the beach house to cook an amazing dinner for my family.  I didn’t get seconds.

4.  Waiting 8 MONTHS to eat ice cream.  I knew my family would go to Scoopers, this little ice cream shop at Kiawah Island.  It’s our ritual.  I’ve waited (I’ll say it again) 8 months.  I’ve turned down ice cream at every opportunity b/c I knew I’d have it on this trip.  What did I order?  1/2 a scoop of Banana and 1/2 a scoop of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough. 

5.  It’s been nearly 7 months since I’ve had a soda.  Not even a diet one! 

6.  I only had one Mojito at dinner in Charleston and one alcoholic beverage at the Fat Hen near Kiawah. 

7.  I walked/jogged on the beach every day except once.  That day Katie and I went on a power bike ride along the beach where we peddled against wind.  I don’t know what the resistance was but it was freaking TOUGH. 

8.  Going on a 3-mile walk/jog with my brother-in-law.  I was able to jog 1.25 miles without stopping!!

9.  Only having 1 snack a day while on vacation.  Lord knows the sun and sand makes you hungry.

10.  The support of my cousins and their families when they saw me!

11.  Going on a bike ride with my sister and her telling me how different I seem this year.  I treat food differently and seem so much happier (for a number of reasons), one of course being my weight loss success.  She sees me making different choices and really sticking to it. 

12.  We had a giant cake for my sister’s baby shower.  I only tasted a tiny bit of the icing. 

13.  Being able to wear a number of items that I couldn’t wear.  My college jeans, a pair of capri’s that were too tight on me before and I got these shorts last year from Old Navy that were too tight in the stomach.  This year they were too big and were falling off me, haha. 

14.  Making totally different food related choices even though I was on “vacation.”  Usually, in years past, I would have just said to myself, “Eh, I’m on vacation.”  Ordering chicken lettuce wraps instead of a burger.  Did I ever mention how hard it was to get the waiter to leave the soba noodles off of the chicken lettuce wraps?  He was like, “Oh, we can’t, the plates are pre-made…”  And I said, “Can’t the chef just take off the noodles and put some cucumber there instead?”  And his reply was, “Oh, no, he can’t.  The plates are already made.”  And I eagerly and frustrated said, “Just tell the chef to take his hand, pick up the soba noodles, remove them from the pre-made plate, and put some cucumber there instead!!!”   Asking restaurants to leave heavy sauce off on my crab cakes.  Substituting a salad for potatoes.  Ordering Halibut and veggies.  Not eating a sandwhich for lunch but taking cheese and low-fat roast beef and wrapping it in romaine lettuce.  Eating more fruit and drinking more water. 

Well, anyway, my Blogs might be few and far between this week since I don’t have my computer (I’m on the one in my apartment building). 

I am so grateful for my family.  My sister is almost 7 months pregnant – I can’t wait to meet Baby Gabriel, or Lil’ G as I like to call him.  And my 84-year-old Grandma had some trouble on vacation keeping her balance.  She fell twice   It was really sad and frustrating ’cause her body is getting older but her mind and spirits are like that of a 20-year-old.  Sigh.  And, on top of all of this, my mom’s back went out!  The human body is pretty amazing.  I get to see my sister pregnant and how her body is changing.  And getting to feel Lil’ G kick is so awesome!!!  And seeing my Grandma get older and her body getting weaker is super tough.  And I’m sure all this stress caused my mom’s back to go out – because the mind and the body are so connected. 

It’s the Yin and Yang of the human body I suppose.  And my own body is changing, too, now that I’m down 50 pounds!  I’m smaller in all the right areas   and have more energy when I’m working out and am just happier all around.  I’m getting a bit of loose skin on my tummy and my Lap Band scars are still noticeable.  These things are more like a badge of honor, I think.  I trophy for all of my hard work.  It’s just worth reflecting on – how the body adapts to whatever is going on.  It seems as though my family as a whole is having a lot of physical changes for a variety of reasons.  All you can do is support each other and focus on the positive!

My grandma isn’t going to get any younger but it’s really hard to see her getting older.  The positive is that she’s still kicking ass and is still as witty as ever.  A lot of folks say it’s harder if you see someone you love “lose it” mentally.  So, maybe I should be grateful she’s still SO with it mentally.  She belongs to a book club and bridge clubs and can drive better than I can.  She just has trouble walking and keeping her balance.  Plus, she gets super nervous and that just doesn’t make it any easier.  On the flip side, I think a lot of her leg pain was attributed to her falling twice.  So, maybe now that she’s home it’ll heal faster.  She’s never fallen like that before.  But then again, I have a handful of falling stories.  Maybe it’s not age but just our family curse

And I am SO excited about being an Aunt!!!  I can’t wait to see Lil’ G.  I know it’s hard for my sister to not be able to be as active as she usually is.  Especially on vacation.  She could go on little walks and bike rides here and there, but she couldn’t go on jogs with Sam and me or ride long distances.  But you just wait!  Pretty soon you’ll have a toddler and you’ll wish you weren’t running all around.  Anyway, it’s so cool to see her body changing (minus her cankles!) and to do research on what’s going on inside her body during this month as it relates to the baby.  Did you know that around this term the baby starts to actually drink the liquid that’s inside of the placenta?  So, whatever the mom eats the baby tastes.  This is so when the baby starts breast feeding, it has a familiar taste to when it was inside the mom.  It also creates a connection to the mom.  What’s funny is that when my mom was pregnant with my sister, she ate tons of spinach.  My sister loves spinach.  And when my mom was pregnant with me, she couldn’t get enough…of cheesecake!  Haha.  Go figure!  What is my favorite food?  You guessed it.  Which now you can draw on a lot of parallels to my sister and me.  She’s tiny.  She likes spinach.  I have a Lap Band. I love cheesecake.  Go figure!  Thanks, mom. 

I am excited to see how my body continues to warp and change.  I get the word “you look svelte” a lot from folks now.  I am learning to be patient with my body, too.  The fact that I’ve hit this plateau is my body adjusting and adapting to my sudden drop in weight.  So that in and of itself is part of the journey! 

Okay, I’m done reflecting now.  Off to the gym.  I had to get out of my apartment because I am so bored without my computer and if I just sit around and watch TV I’ll want to eat.  Never a good combo.

1.  America’s Next Top Model Winner is a plus size model.  How rockin’ is that?

2.  Ellen DeGeneres announced today that she is getting married.  California recently announced they are legalizing gay marriages.  Ellen and Portia = rockin’ newly engaged couple.

3.  The Biggest Loser had it’s first female winner – Ali Vincent

4.  And I am down 45 pounds.  SO CLOSE TO 50 I CAN TASTE IT!  (No Pun Intended)  :-)

Today I got a call from my mom that she had to put our family dog to sleep. Roxanne. She was the SWEETEST dog ever. Such an old soul in a dog’s body. She loved her bows on her ears and she had so much energy for most of her life. If you were ever at my house, you know! You couldn’t watch TV without Roxanne giving you her squeaky hamburger to throw. As slobbery as it was, I miss when she’d do that. She got old rather quickly and her energy went down and she couldn’t move well. I knew the time was coming, but didn’t think it’d be today. I am sad. I know that all dogs go to heaven, right? She was such a sweetheart. My mom took a picture of her last night as her final picture and sent it to me. The title was, “Thank you Roxanne.” It’s short and sweet, but says so much about the love people have for their pets. They really are amazing. I think I like animals more than most people! My parents took her to the vet today and my mom said that she was looking at my mom and wagging her tail even though she couldn’t move (her back legs had given out) – even in such awful physical condition, Roxy still was in such sweet spirits. I miss her already. She slept in my room since I was in 7th grade. But, alas, I am so grateful for the happiness she brought my family.

-Photo of Roxy & Rowy 2 years ago

And lastly, gasoline. I was getting gas today and pump got stuck so when I tried to fix it, I guess all of the backed up gasoline came out…onto me! My right leg and shoe were drenched in gasoline. All I could think about was that scene in Zoolander (“Wake Me Up, Before You Go Go!)  Please God, I thought, don’t let there be any smokers near me right now. Thank God I wasn’t with my ex who is a smoker. This certainly would have put me at-risk for denim explosion and I probably would have blown up and died. Then again, it’s moments like this that I miss my ex because I know how much my ex would appreciate such a story.  I am known to be, um, not so graceful at inconvenient moments (when I fell off the Little Inky ride in Malibu anyone?) Keep in mind these are brand new Calvin Klein jeans and Steve Madden shoes. Not to be a label whore, but when you’re down 2 sizes in your jeans and spent a lot of money on a new wardrobe, you will vent at this moment you are doused in gasoline.

Damn Atlanta traffic. I had to sit in my car for over an hour breathing in the gasoline fumes. I had my windows down, of course, and I can’t tell you how many people were smoking and throwing their cigarettes out the car window. My anxiety went up about tenfold!  I could just see the wind blowing a cigarette into my car and it exploding.  Oh, how having a creative and anxious brain creates such wonderful imagery.   I thought about taking my pants off but since most cars are so high up compared to my Volvo, I figured it would be a different story completely to drive home in bumper-to-bumper traffic without pants on.

I love the smell of honeysuckle. Oh wait, those are just the gasoline fumes. I was so hungry on my voyage back home that all I could think about was eating a piece of string cheese.  I love string cheese by the way.  It’s cheese that comes apart in little strings!  It’s perfection!  

The longest elevator ride EVER consisted of me standing in the corner reeking of gasoline and this woman standing in the elevator with me 19 floors up gabbing on her phone venting about how she doesn’t want so and so to bring her puppy to her party. “Who does she think she is? Paris fucking Hilton?! The puppy hasn’t even had its shots yet!”

In moments like this, I really wish I had a match.