I will never forget when my sister pulled me aside during our “you need to lose weight” talk.  We were in the Bahamas during Christmas of ’06 – when I fell off that jet ski – and was the moment I realized I needed to lose weight.  (Read my blog entry about it here.)

Although I didn’t have major medical issues, I knew I was on my way to having something like diabetes if I didn’t lose weight.  I was still in denial.  I remember saying to my sister, “What if I try really hard to lose weight and I end up dying from something else, like a coconut falling on my head, or a car crash?” And she said, “Well, at least you know you tried everything you could.”  So it was kinda like one of those thoughts, “What if I tried really hard to not die from a bad heart or diabetes but something else ends up killing me anyways.”  I guess that’s a normal reaction.  But I knew I needed to do everything I COULD to be healthy.  We are out of control in so many ways in our lives.  So if I end up dying from a coconut falling on my head, I guess so be it.  At least loved ones, and my own Spirit, won’t be able to say, “If only she had done something about that weight.  She could have lived longer.”

This brings me some sort of peace.  Also a little anxiety when we realize how out of control we are.  Elizabeth didn’t ask for cancer.  Errin didn’t ask for that fateful Tuesday morning.  But perhaps there is some peace in something happening to you that’s outside of your control.  It brings up Spiritual/Religious/Existential questions.  But nobody can ever say, “If only they had done something different”  It was what it was.  So for me, I am trying to live a healthy life so that I can have as many years on this planet as possible … to travel the world … make a difference … have a family.  And if something, by fate’s chance, happens.  Then it is to be.  At least I can say that I am taking my own health in my hands.

I am proud to say that I have officially lost 93 pounds!!!  I can’t believe it!  I had a huge drop this week – I lost like 6 pounds.  I am not really sure why…I haven’t been overly trying, nor have I not been trying.  Plus, it’s the holidays, and even the healthiest of people are overcome with food temptations!  I am only 6 pounds away from losing 100 pounds!  I honestly can’t believe it!  The Lap Band has honestly saved me.  It’s been hard, lots of acid reflux, vomiting, saying “no” to cookies, waking up at 7am to train for my first 10K, etc.  It has not been easy.  But it’s surely been worthwhile.

Visit my blog at Live Life To The Fullest

I feel like I have been eating out a lot lately.  I have been working out on and off – I haven’t been as strict but I haven’t been slack either.  I need to be a little more strict though – like tonight I didn’t work out but I should have.  The trick is not making myself feel bad about this.  Tomorrow is a new day!

My favorite thing I ate today was a tiny sliver of cheesecake at work.  If you know me, you know that I LOVE CHEESECAKE.  I swear – cheesecake is the only food that I literally feel like it goes straight to my soul.  When my mom was pregnant with me, she only had  a craving for cheesecake.  So it’s not surprising that my favorite food in the world is cheesecake.  A co-worker made some and I took a little sliver of it b/c I didn’t want to feel denied – but I also didn’t want a whole piece.  It’s nice that I can show myself that I can have a little of this and a little of that and still feel in control.  I will admit, when I go to NYC in 2 weeks, I am definitely going to have to get NYCheesecake (to me, the “C” in cheesecake is deserving enough to be part of the NYC abbreviation).

I ordered some cold weather running pants and a little glove and hat so now I have zero excuse not to workout even in a blizzard!

The Peachtree Roadrace is the largest 10K in the country and one of the largest in the World.

Nearly two years ago I was sitting on my apartment balcony eating cereal.  I think it was some type of Kashi Go Lean and some vanilla soy milk.  I was sitting there overlooking Peachtree Street as 55,000 people ran past my building, down 10th Street and capped off in Piedmont Park.  I woke up pretty late, so I saw the last of the 55,000 runners as they took part in Atlanta’s #1 tradition – the July 4th Peachtree 10K Roadrace.  As I sat there sipping my vanilla soy milk out of the bottom of my favorite breakfast bowl (it has little legs.  I’m serious) and thought to myself, “I want to do that one day…!”  I remember calling my now ex and saying it out loud – as if saying it out loud will somehow make it really, really, really real.  Now 2 years later, I meditate on how much has changed.  For starters, I don’t eat cereal any more and have to find new, creative ways to use my favorite cereal bowl.  Then there are those other changes – the ex, the view from my apartment (I can no longer see Peachtree Street thanks to the new high rises being built), my career, my weight, etc.  My life.  I am neither where I was nor where I want to be – but isn’t that where you’re supposed to be at 27?  I feel on my way though – definitely headed in the right direction.  We want life to be linear (that’s where our control issues shine).  Life isn’t linear.  It’s very cyclical.  And I think these moments we have remind us of that.  Where we see who we were and where we are – and where we are now – and where we want to be.  Little landmarks.

Do I think I’m going to run the whole 6.2-miles.  Well, to be honest, I don’t.  But does this mean I didn’t wake up at 5 am to register  for the race or commit myself to a 10-week running group at 7:30 am on Saturdays – or got so over-heated one day running that I thought I might throw up – or was so overjoyed on another run that I felt surrendered to all things?  Everything like this has happened.  And it’s been a journey.  Now down 82-pounds and counting, I am proud – so very proud – of how far I have come.  I never really thought I’d ever take part in “those” races.  They were for other people.  All those “other” people were doing it that day I watched from my balcony at ate my cereal.  Friends at 4th of July parties I’ve attended the last 15 years.  ”Those” people did the Peachtree Road race and wore their t-shirts at the cookouts afterwards and talked about how hot it was.  It was for them…”they” did it.  But now it’s for me.  Just as I am right here and right now.  Imperfect and dreaming and pushing my goals forward.  Anxious to wake up at 6 am and get on MARTA and take it to Lenox Mall.  Anxious to get to the Start line. Anxious to get to the Finish Line at Piedmont Park (a few blocks from my apartment…I am so lucky!).  Anxious AND excited!  I will be with 55,000 people tomorrow – walkers, runners and in-betweeners – I’d like to think it’s a testament to my commitment to challenging myself and pushing my health further and further.  I am the very first person in my family to do the Peachtree!

I have to give a HUGE thanks to my friends & family who have supported me these last several months and have wished me well tomorrow.  I can’t wait to cross that finish line – even if I am wearing a nerdy “Fuel Belt” (H20 bottles attached at my waist) – I know people will be jealous  It makes me feel prepared and maybe a little bit like a nerdy Super Hero.  

I can’t wait to report back tomorrow on how it goes!  

From a novice Peachtree Road race runner.

This is from my blog Live Life To The Fullest

First photo taken in Paris. Down 80 pounds in 12 months!

I feel like I am getting back in the swing of things since coming home from Paris.  I feel a little lazy – maybe it’s just the jet lag?  I’ve been back for one week, and when I got home, I went straight to work and then came down with this cold.  I haven’t been to the gym all week, which I’m going to change really soon.  I can definitely feel a difference with not getting as much cardio done as I was.  The weight is still dropping (officially hit my 80 pound mark!) but it’s more than just the pounds – it’s how I feel and it’s the reality of a lifestyle change.  I got a gym membership at an AMAZING discount, and I haven’t belonged to a gym (other than the one in my apartment building) in a few years.  But I got such a great deal on this gym membership that I couldn’t pass it up.  So, my goal is to go to the gym soon!  Tomorrow night I can’t, but maybe this weekend?  Soon though!  

It’s been fun getting back on Facebook and having old friends and new friends see me.  Even if some of them haven’t noticed the weight loss, I just feel like I’m so much happier and healthier looking in my photos.  

I don’t know about you, but I’m SO ready for Spring to arrive!  I am ready for longer days, so when I come home from work, it’s still light enough for me to go on a walk or jog.  I’m ready to see flowers blooming.  I’m ready to buy some new Spring clothes!  

I’ve taken a long minute to get back to my Blog.  I thought I’d be able to update it while in Paris, but unfortunately our internet didn’t work in the hotel.  But I am here and rolling right along!  I am definitely ready to start kicking my butt again.  And you can feel free to kick it for me, too  I am so excited to be down 80 pounds in 12 months…I ACHIEVED MY 1-YEAR GOAL!!!  But I want to keep the momentum going, and I’m afraid if I get to excited, I’ll get too comfortable where I am.  My next goal is to be down 100 pounds by July.  

Paris really was amazing.  I had a very hard time with some of the food, but over all, I made good choices and walked A LOT.  I actually lost 5 pounds!  I couldn’t eat the sandwiches, which are a staple to their diet.  So lunch time was a bit difficult.  And I did throw up twice.  My Lap Band just got weird with 2 things I ate.  No fun, but just part of the territory!  It was an amazing trip!!!  And there’s so much more to focus on in Paris than the food.  Although this one night, m y friend and I ate at this amazing restaurant and had this 3 course meal which really was one of the best meals I’ve ever had!  I enjoyed the food (when it enjoyed me) but didn’t focus on it.  I did eat a few croissants, which was really weird for me, since over here I’d NEVER eat one!  But over there, it was just kind of all they had.  And they were a normal size, not a HUGE AMERICAN super sized croissant.  All in all, very wonderful experience and I can’t wait to travel again soon!  

At the Eiffel Tower

Enjoying having one, but not going croissant crazy

Oh!  January 15th was my one year “bandiversary” and I celebrated it by walking to the top of the Notre Dame – which required me to walk up and down 400 steps!  I’m not sure I reflected as much on this day since I was in Paris and it was go-go-go, but it was very special and surreal to see how far I’d come!   

Walking up 400 steps on my 1-year "bandiversary"!

It’s so incredible how long a year seems, and yet, how it all seems like yesterday.  This time last year I had just (mostly walked) my very first 5K.  It was raining.  The weather was really crappy.  But I went to the Gobble Jog with my sister and brother-in-law.  It was a lot of fun, but I remember being nervous to do my very first “race.”  

One year later – I’ve done my second 5K (in October), and am down nearly 75 pounds!  I am counting the numbers to 80.  My goal:  to be down 80 pounds by my one-year lap band anniversary on January 15th. And one year later, my sister and brother-in-law have a baby!  Gabriel.  Of whom I am so in love with.  I wish I saw them more, since they live out in LA. 

My Thanksgiving this year was really low key.  We didn’t have any family in town – my grandma had knee surgery, so my grandparents stayed in Florida.  And my sister is visiting her husband’s family in Houston.  I went home and we had a “fake” Thanksgiving dinner.  Which was fine, because honestly, eating isn’t as much fun as it used to be, haha.  I just can’t eat as much, and simply, some of the fun is taken out of the habit.  HOWEVER, food also tastes better to me because I can’t eat a lot of it, so what I do eat, I pay more attention to.  I LOVE our Thanksgiving dinners, and so this year, we’re going to have our traditional Thanksgiving dinner on Christmas day – because that is when my sister, brother-in-law, and new baby nephew will be in town.  

Anyway, to be thankful is to look at what you have (a place to live, a job that I love (in this rough economy, too!), a great family, wonderful friends, poetry, fun socks on my feet), but it’s also about looking at how far you’ve come.  I’ve come a long way since this time last year.  I remember thinking about how it was the last Thanksgiving meal I’d eat before having a Lap Band.  There’s definitely a “saying goodbye” process that happens.  I was a little short of 2-months away from my surgery.  

And I have a great job, which I didn’t have this job this time last year either.  Still have an extraordinary family + friends, and even those have seen some changes.  I don’t want to be afraid of loss.   Seeing family get older.  And family dynamics changing.  And seeing myself change.  And thinking about past people in my life and past versions of my self.  And then there’s weight loss – my favorite type of loss!!!  But even that loss is strange - There’s a part of me that has to say goodbye to my old self, and my old habits, even though I know I’m still 100% me – if that make sense.  To lose anything is to gain something new.  I am learning this.  Slowly.  Surely.  I am grateful to be here…writing…this moment.  

Yes, to be thankful is to see what you have.  And to see how far you’ve come.  And to let go.  And so, ((Deep Breath)) I look forward to seeing where I am, this time – next year.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.  And dance…

It was a great jog.  I love the Fall.  And I love the park.  And I love the leaves.

And I love to love myself.

My time is completely filled up for the next 3 weeks.  Everything from having to hook up a new printer to doing a photo shoot to getting my haircut to seeing friends, and of course, finding the time to workout.  Working out still needs to be a priority though, and like I said, I’m finding a new balance in my life.  It’s hard, but I know it’ll all be just fine.  It’s hard while at work to not drink soda.  I really have no reason not to drink it because of my band, I just gave it up because I realized there was nothing good about it.  There are some days I just really miss a Dr. Pepper!  Today for lunch I had Chinese food, and I felt sick all day.  I pack my lunch each day, but I went out with Kate last night, drank too much red wine, and got home late – which caused me to forget to pack my lunch.  I still feel like I have a food hangover.  

Tomorrow I am FINALLY going to the alterations place to get a bunch of my pants taken in.  I’m also bringing 3 button up shirts, my favorite hoodie, and a pea coat to all get taken in.  It’s the first time I’ve committed myself to getting my clothes altered since my Lap Band.  Maybe I just never thought the time would come, and when it came, I kept thinking that I should wait until I lost more weight.  Plus I’ve been really good about not spending money.  But now that I’m at the 70 pound mark, I *really need these pants taken in.  I dress up for work each day, and I think everyone at work is tired of seeing my khaki’s  I just need to commit myself and go.  I am down 2-3 sizes since I got banded!

It’s fitting (pun highly intended) to reflect on all of the changes in my life.  Getting clothes altered.  Altering my life.  Changes.  A new President.  A new career.  A new healthy lifestyle.  Finding a new balance.  Getting clothes and a routine to fit me properly.  It’s something quite unreal, actually.

My last 2 days at work have been great!  I started my new job as the Speakers Bureau Coordinator for the High Museum of Art.  I am easing into this new position.  I LOVE where I work and am so happy to be where I am, both literally and figuratively.  I turned down two other job offers to take this job, it just feels so right to be here.  It’s been a transition with my new schedule, for sure.  I didn’t workout yesterday or today, however, I did take the stairs at work so I figured that counts for something!  I am so busy that even these last 2 days I didn’t take a lunch break.  Yesterday was my 1st day and I didn’t really know what to expect, so I brought along some granola bars.  I was definitely way too hungry by the end of the day.  Today I brought some low fat turkey and cheese and a few wheat crackers and some almonds.  I only ate about half of that because I was just so busy.  I need to be sure I’m getting enough of my calories in for the day.  For dinner I had some leftover fish and broccoli from my dinner last night.   One of my co-workers brought in cupcakes yesterday.  And today I saw a bunch of cookies.  These are the temptations at work where I say, “Sugar.  You are the Devil.”  

The good thing about starting a new job where I have to dress up every day is that I have been able to buy some new clothes for myself!  I’m trying to not go overboard because A)  I will continue to lose weight and B)  I am so much better about spending money now.  I feel like money and weight are related somehow.

I will be doing speaking engagements as part of my job, and so I feel like it’s perfect timing in my life because I am feeling so much better about myself.  Some speaking engagements I’ll do alone and some I’ll accompany an employee of the High.  For instance, on Sunday I am going with the Curator of the First Emperor Exhibit to a speaking engagement. 

My weekend food recap:  My family went out to Legal Seafood last night which is down by the Georgia Aquarium (irony!).  Their food was SO GOOD.  I think it was some of the best tuna I’ve ever had.  I also got some low-fat version of Clam Chowder.  I like the original better (this is more broth and less cream – and you know cream always tastes better!)  but it was still really great tasting.  I did have 2 bites of this chocolate cake my family ordered.  I did so well this weekend and am really proud of myself.  I went home for dinner Sunday night and we have company in town.  For dessert, my mom bought stuff to make an ice cream sundae (my grandma’s favorite).  I only took about 1-2 teaspoons of ice cream and put a little squirt of fudge on it and some walnuts and a cherry.  It was like an ice cream sundae mini!  I just needed that little taste and I was satisfied.  Okay – - that’s totally a lie. I wanted a lot more ice cream but told myself I’d regret it later on.  

On Saturday my family went to tea at the Ritz Carlton for my grandma’s 85th Birthday.  You know how tea’s go – it’s all about little sandwiches and pastries.  Well, I told the waitress I was staying away from carbs, so she let me order off the regular menu.  I got some salad.  It was good but there wasn’t any protein in it.  Anyway, I feel like I did really well this past week considering all of the eating out I did.  Plus, starting a brand new job is always stressful … and exciting!  Okay, now that I am thinking about it, I need to go pack my lunch for tomorrow.  My biggest challenge the last 2 days has been drinking enough water.  

I feel like I had to split my preparation between physical and emotional.  On the physical front, I had to get really clear on what foods I could eat after surgery.  Not just in the long run (staying away from carbs and sugars), but in the immediate days that followed my surgery.  My doctor provided me a list of foods I could eat in the days following.  For the first few days, I only drank liquids.  Water, Apple and Cranberry Juice, Gatorade and Protein Shakes.  I liked the chocolate protein shakes they had at GNC.  I can’t remember the exact time I was able to eat soft foods, but I want to say it was about a week after my surgery.  Every doctor is different, so just be sure you follow your doc’s guidelines.  I actually didn’t really do a lot of puree’s.  I pretty much went straight from liquids to soft foods, per my doc’s instructions.  I remember being SO HAPPY when I could start eating mashed potatoes, cream-of-wheat and soup.  I was on the soft foods diet for another week.  So two weeks out of my surgery I still couldn’t eat “normal” foods.  I went out to eat with my family one night and they all got their regular food and I got a side of mashed sweet potatoes  Don’t be afraid to leave your home, get out of the house and do what I did about a week after surgery.  It may not be as much fun to get mashed potatoes at a restaurant, but it’s a good practice in self-restraint.  Plus, it’s just good to get out of your house and out into the world again.  

The emotional preparation was a different part of the journey, and I am still on it to this day – 9 months out.  I think writing my Blog has really helped me.  I also was very open with friends and family, who gave me their support.  I talked to my sister and mom a lot about my fears.  Even if they just listened, it was helpful.  I also found the doctor that I felt was the best.  I was originally going through Emory Hospital, but then switched to another doctor of whom I felt more comfortable with.  

I made sure to have some good magazines and movies for the days that followed my surgery.  I think I watched Ratatouille, Once, No Country For Old Men, La Vie En Rose, The Simpson’s Movie and Hairspray.  I spent about a week-and-a-half at my parents house and I remember the stitching of my port to my stomach muscle was very painful for about a week after my surgery, and I was able to sleep better on their living room couch than my bed.  Nobody else I know of had that bad of pain but I share this with people as just a heads up.  

Haha, I actually think the worst thing that happened was about 3 days after my surgery I went to Pet Smart with my dad and in the parking lot, I slipped on a patch of ice and fell right on my side.  Oh_My_God, it hurt, and I sprained my foot.  Luckily, my stitching and everything was okay, but it definitely was not fun

Then when I came back to my apartment and was on my own again, I just had the foods I needed in my fridge.  I completely cleaned out my pantry and freezer and gave all of my food to my friends before my surgery.  

I hope this helps anyone who is getting ready for their surgery!  I am 9-months-out and down 68 pounds, and I would definitely do the surgery again.  No regrets.  

It might be worthwhile for you to go back and read my blog entries from that time – Dec/Jan/Feb – as I was preparing for surgery and reflecting on the days to follow.  

And, always remember, throughout everything, keep your sense of humor.

I’ve been eating a little more today and I’m not sure why.  It could be stress plus just all those calories I burned this weekend.  I ate my biscuit at the Flying Biscuit, which I NEVER do, but I was just so hungry after that walk.  And my band allowed me to eat it, not that I was testing my band, but I thought that perhaps I needed the extra calories.  But tonight I snacked a little bit while watching TV.  

I have just been feeling so restless lately.  I think it’s me dealing with all the extra energy I have with my weight loss + excitement and anxiety about some things going on in my life.  I am waiting to hear about some career news.  And I’m thinking about what Photography series I want to do next.  And getting to my next weight loss goal.  Plus, I’ve been focusing on my relationships with people and family.  There’s quite a lot going on in my family right now – my Grandma (who is my best friend) has been having some medical problems, and my sister and brother-in-law have their amazing, wonderful 5-week-old baby, whom I adore, but it’s hard having them be so far away in Los Angeles.  All of this just seems to come to a head when I’m seeing my parents in Marietta. I know they have so much on their mind, too, and I’m just wanting to help when and how I can.  And, yes, all the stress we’re all feeling right now with the Economy.  Over all, things in my life are great and I feel in my heart that things are headed in the right direction, both physically, financially, and professionally – but I’m learning to be patient while I’m exerting all my hard work.  In the mean time, I don’t want to eat when I’m stressed or have all this extra energy, so that is my goal for this week – to really be mindful of this.