I have started fitness bootcamp and this is a brand new endeavor that I never-in-a-million-years thought I would take on.  When I look back on my life, I dreaded any type of physical activity that involved me being around other people.  I loved playing basketball – but I was always the slowest person on the team.  Those damn suicide drills literally felt like emotional & physical suicide.  I despised P.E. class.  I cringed at the fitness competition my elementary school had to do each year.  Recently, my best friend and I visited our Elementary school and I laughed at how I would cheat on the number of straws I had to represent how many laps I took around the field.  What a nightmare!  I didn’t as much mind the gym – everyone kind of keeps to themselves.  But to workout with people was a total non-desire.  It always made me so anxious that other people would see what poor shape I was in!

I turned a corner 2 weeks ago when a friend of mine convinced me to join Fit Wit.  She told me how nice everyone was – said there are some people who are super hardcore fit – and others who are average – and some that are beginners – but that everyone is very supportive.  I really hated the idea of doing something that put me in a situation where I had to exercise with other people in a confined space – do drills and stuff.  Well, long story short I decided to do Fit With b/c I was awarded 1 free session (6-weeks) b/c I wrote a blog entry for a competition they were having on why I deserved a free session.

Today was the first day of my 3rd week doing bootcamp … and I can’t believe these words are about to come out of my mouth … but I LOVE IT!  Everybody is so nice and supportive!  The trainers definitely push you, but they aren’t like those psycho trainers you see on TV (I am thinking of the Military sergeant in the movie Full Metal Jacket).  And on top of this, I am really enjoying all the different activities we do each night.  It spices it up.  I am not dreading saying to myself, “Ugh, I have to go to the gym and get on the treadmill for 30 minutes).  Instead, there are little activities you do in short but difficult increments of time.  Everything is thought out for me too, so I just have to literally show up and do it!  I am still learning how to do the correct form for some of the stuff – like squats.  And I get a full 1-hour workout 4 days a week.  I haven’t lost any weight yet, I think my body is like, “Whoa!  What the hell are you doing?”  But I am staying confident that I am building muscle and the weight will come off.  I don’t think I have ever pushed myself this hard before in such a short amount of time too.  If I can do it, I know you could, too.

Last Friday was my 2-year Lap “Bandiversary” and I was awarded, serendipitously, camper of the week!  I won 20-free dance classes!  There are so many moments during the camp when I think to myself, “I f***ing can’t believe I am actually doing this!”  I picture how scared I was 2 years ago going into the hospital and now knowing what kind of person I would become when I walked out of there.  It’s fun to push myself.  Even though I have lost 90 lbs, I want to push my body and mind even further.  I want to be in tip top shape.  I want to keep changing over time into being a better, healthier “me.”  It takes time, and I know I am not perfect, and don’t always eat perfectly or have the perfect thoughts or attitude or energy – but at least I am making baby steps!

This is my first blog from my new Macbook Pro!  I am really excited about it because I am making some changes to my apartment.  I live in a pretty small place (although awesome!) and I usually spend my time in my bedroom on my computer because that’s where my big Mac G5 is.  But usually at night I decompress by watching TV or reading.  I find that when I try to read in my room, I get distracted b/c my computer is right there.  And then I can’t sit at my computer in my bedroom and watch TV because they are…well, in two different rooms!  So my plans is that now I’ll have my laptop with me while I am watching TV and I can be productive!  I can work on my website or my Photography or watch Family Guy (very important for Productivity) and most importantly, I can write my blogs from right here on my favorite orange reclining seat.

Just so you know, “The Bachelorette” is on TV right now and Jillian is debating whether to end up with Ed or Reid.

My weight has been @ a crossroads.  It isn’t in a bad place at all.  I am still down 81 pounds, but by God, this  plateau is insane.  I ran a 10K for crying out loud and still didn’t drop any weight!  I have a very stubborn body (and mind!)  I am going to my doctor in 2 weeks so I can get a fill – that’s the goal.  I have done a food journal and the nurse said my eating is good.  So, I’m not really sure the hold up.  It’s kinda making me a little down, but I don’t want that to get to me too much.

For dinner tonight I had 1 Trader Joe’s burrito with some peach salsa and low fat sour cream.  It wasn’t the best thing I could have eaten but it also wasn’t the worst.  I got home at 8:30pm and really didn’t feel like cooking tonight.

I did treat myself to a great massage and this was very wonderful!  I had the most tension in my neck and shoulders, and I feel like this “treating myself” is a good thing.  I think I care so much about other people, that I sometimes put myself on hold.  I’ve been better about that the last 2 years, but still – I am just a naturally nurturing soul.  My goal tomorrow is to come home from work and go on a jog around Piedmont Park.  Then I am going over to David’s house for dinner.  So just as long as I get a good workout in before dinner, I will feel much better.

Update:  Jillian is picking Ed.

You see … this is the joy of my new laptop!  I can open my soul to you and also keep you posted on “The Bahelorette” – sorry for any spoilers.

Things over all in my life are amazing!  I think I just need to keep pushing forward and pushing myself.  I’ve been a little lazier than usual the last 3 weeks – ever since my 10K – but now I am gonna get back into being very dedicated again to my workout.  I guess 3 weeks off is better than 3 months or 3 years!  I am just ready to see results again like FO’ REAL!!!

Running on 10th Street!

After the race in Piedmont Park holding up my coveted Peachtree Roadrace T-shirt

Yeah!  I did the Peachtree Roadrace!  It was such a great experience!  I woke up at 6 am to get ready – eat breakfast – stretch – listen to some upbeat music.  I took MARTA to the Lenox station and found my group (8).  I had about 40 minutes until my timed group finally took off – but it was so exciting to slowly keep moving closer and closer to the Start line.  Once I was there awaiting the countdown – I actually started to tear up.  I felt so silly, but I just couldn’t help it.  I think I was just overcome by A)  All the people + energy and B) Thinking about how far I’ve come with my weight loss and training.  To some people, doing a 10K is second nature – maybe they grew up on the Track club or something.  But to me, it was really a new beginning.  Not only working out – but doing a street race like this with 50,000 other people.  It just made me really excited and nostalgic of that time I sat on my balcony and watched it from afar…and now this year…I was finally doing it!I have to admit, it’s the best 10K for anyone to do for a first time.  There are so many people that nobody is really paying attention to “you” – unless you were dressed in all spandex (as I saw).  It’s a lot of fun with all the people and companies lining the streets to cheer you on.  Everyone is in a great mood.  And mad props to the Atlanta Track Club (Hi Ben!) for organizing such a great race!  

I loved seeing the mile markers and knowing I had just completed 1 mile – 2-3-4-5, etc.  Once I got to the High Museum (where I work) I knew it was the 5-mile marker, which meant I only had about a mile and a half to go!  Once I turned on 10th Street, I knew I would see Edward and David at the corner of 10th and Myrtle, so that gave me my final push to the end.  I just had so much fun.  It was hot and I poured a lot of water on my head.  I did my walk/jog combo and did my best to just listen to my body as to what I needed to do then.  Cardiac Hill sucked (the hill at Piedmont Hospital).  I am not even that sore today – it’s crazy.  I remember doing my very first 5K 82-pounds heavier, and I could hardly even walk the next day.  My legs and abs are sore – but definitely not nearly as bad as I thought they’d be.  Which shoes me that my body is in much better shape considering I just did my very first 10K.

I jogged to the finish line and it was at that point I wouldn’t let myself stop. U2′s live version of “I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For” played on my iPod shuffle and it took me to the finish line. It was kind of an exciting + spiritual moment and I was so proud of myself for rocking it out at the Peachtree Roadrace.  Of course, the real race is always within yourself – and I am loving seeing how my body is changing due to my weight loss – and my attitude – and I am already thinking about beating my time next year

This is from my blog Live Live To The Fullest

The Peachtree Roadrace is the largest 10K in the country and one of the largest in the World.

Nearly two years ago I was sitting on my apartment balcony eating cereal.  I think it was some type of Kashi Go Lean and some vanilla soy milk.  I was sitting there overlooking Peachtree Street as 55,000 people ran past my building, down 10th Street and capped off in Piedmont Park.  I woke up pretty late, so I saw the last of the 55,000 runners as they took part in Atlanta’s #1 tradition – the July 4th Peachtree 10K Roadrace.  As I sat there sipping my vanilla soy milk out of the bottom of my favorite breakfast bowl (it has little legs.  I’m serious) and thought to myself, “I want to do that one day…!”  I remember calling my now ex and saying it out loud – as if saying it out loud will somehow make it really, really, really real.  Now 2 years later, I meditate on how much has changed.  For starters, I don’t eat cereal any more and have to find new, creative ways to use my favorite cereal bowl.  Then there are those other changes – the ex, the view from my apartment (I can no longer see Peachtree Street thanks to the new high rises being built), my career, my weight, etc.  My life.  I am neither where I was nor where I want to be – but isn’t that where you’re supposed to be at 27?  I feel on my way though – definitely headed in the right direction.  We want life to be linear (that’s where our control issues shine).  Life isn’t linear.  It’s very cyclical.  And I think these moments we have remind us of that.  Where we see who we were and where we are – and where we are now – and where we want to be.  Little landmarks.

Do I think I’m going to run the whole 6.2-miles.  Well, to be honest, I don’t.  But does this mean I didn’t wake up at 5 am to register  for the race or commit myself to a 10-week running group at 7:30 am on Saturdays – or got so over-heated one day running that I thought I might throw up – or was so overjoyed on another run that I felt surrendered to all things?  Everything like this has happened.  And it’s been a journey.  Now down 82-pounds and counting, I am proud – so very proud – of how far I have come.  I never really thought I’d ever take part in “those” races.  They were for other people.  All those “other” people were doing it that day I watched from my balcony at ate my cereal.  Friends at 4th of July parties I’ve attended the last 15 years.  ”Those” people did the Peachtree Road race and wore their t-shirts at the cookouts afterwards and talked about how hot it was.  It was for them…”they” did it.  But now it’s for me.  Just as I am right here and right now.  Imperfect and dreaming and pushing my goals forward.  Anxious to wake up at 6 am and get on MARTA and take it to Lenox Mall.  Anxious to get to the Start line. Anxious to get to the Finish Line at Piedmont Park (a few blocks from my apartment…I am so lucky!).  Anxious AND excited!  I will be with 55,000 people tomorrow – walkers, runners and in-betweeners – I’d like to think it’s a testament to my commitment to challenging myself and pushing my health further and further.  I am the very first person in my family to do the Peachtree!

I have to give a HUGE thanks to my friends & family who have supported me these last several months and have wished me well tomorrow.  I can’t wait to cross that finish line – even if I am wearing a nerdy “Fuel Belt” (H20 bottles attached at my waist) – I know people will be jealous  It makes me feel prepared and maybe a little bit like a nerdy Super Hero.  

I can’t wait to report back tomorrow on how it goes!  

From a novice Peachtree Road race runner.

This is from my blog Live Life To The Fullest

Eventually, after about 40 minutes of quiet Yoga, Jen put on some awesome eclectic trance music from different parts of the world, and we were encouraged to just dance around.  All around.  Leaving your space completely.  Having Fun.  It was a blast!  If you like to dance, it is surely something to look into.  If you aren’t comfortable with that sort of dance, then you might feel a little uncomfortable at first, but after a few minutes, you will feel completely at home.  Every move you make is honored, and nobody is really paying attention to what you’re doing.  The idea of “looking dumb” just isn’t a possibility in this space.  It was pretty neat.  AND…I bet I burned a TON of calories between the Yoga and the dancing.  The end of the the evening is brought back to a calm Yoga and Meditation.  I’d definitely do it again!  I think there’s a time and a place for structured Yoga and a time and a place for “outside the box” Yoga, both of which I really appreciated.  This was something really new to me and I enjoyed the fun and openness of it very much so.  There was definitely a spiritual essence to this too.  

The funny thing is that Jen hasn’t seen me at all since I lost 80 pounds, so while we were dancing, she came up to me and danced around me and said, “It’s soooo good to see you!  Well.  At least half of you!”  Hahaha.  It was funny.  But while I was dancing and swaying and jumping around, I caught my attention thinking about how I was doing all of these movements with 80 less pounds on  me.  I felt so much lighter and happier, and it was a feeling I wouldn’t trade for the world.  I still got out of breath, but just the knowing at how much less weight I was carrying made me feel really awesome and so much healthier.  My body is my temple!  Oh, and I did a Yoga pose that I wasn’t able to do before!  So that was super exciting!

Here’s to trying very new things and letting yourself go.

Today my family (mom, dad, grandma, sister, brother-in-law and baby) all came to the High to see the our new (and amazing!) First Emperor exhibit.  I grew up with my family taking my sister and me to the High Museum, but it was totally fun to take them today now that I work there.  I kind of felt so grown up, haha.  It was a very fun day.  Except we had lunch afterwards at Table 1280, and my Lap Band acted up when I was eating my burger.  It was just the meat part, no bread, and I ate maybe 1/3 – 1/2 of it and then I just felt so much restriction.  I don’t think that I ate too much, but I don’t think I chewed by meat well enough and I had to run to the bathroom to throw up.  Kind of sucked that my parent’s paid for lunch that went to waste, haha, but sometimes you just gotta give in to the band!

I’ve been listening to Coldplay a ton lately.  All of their CD’s.  Coldplay is one of those bands that can either be reflective and beautiful or vulnerable and depressing, just depending on what state your head is in at the time of listening to them.  The weather is cloudy today.  I’ve been really missing being in a relationship lately, and I’m trying to not let that get me down.  I’ve had feelings for some people this year, but nothing that I wanted to take to the next level.  I know that someone amazing will come into my life again at the right time, I just have to remain patient!  And I am not good at keeping patient!  I have to keep the main focus on me.  Seeing my sister and brother-in-law and their baby *really* make me want a family one day.  New Year’s Eve is approaching, and I think about the place I was in my life that time last year, and there have been so many positive changes since that time, of which I am so proud of.  Oh, this NYE I’ll be in New Orleans, which is going to be so much fun!  With 2009 just around the corner, I am looking great.  I have a great job.  I have great people around me.  I guess I’m just itching to meet that next person in my life who will sweep me off my feet  - but I don’t want to do the whole online dating thing (not that there’s anything wrong with it).  I just want to meet someone again the organic, old-fashioned way – I know, that’s sooooo 90′s of me!  You know, the old way – through a friend or through some mutual shared hobby.  I guess when it’s the right time, it’ll be time.  I’ve just been thinking a lot lately about what I want in a person in my next serious relationship, as I have grown so much and know more of what I’m looking for and deserve.  

I am very excited about my life and what this New Year will bring for me.  I have to keep working hard at losing my weight and being healthy, and again, keep the focus on what I do have in my life, not what I don’t have.  And when the time comes for my heart to be open again toward love, I know it’ll be the right person at exactly the next right time!  Until then, I’m keeping positive and reflective and hopeful.  My heart is heavy with all of the love that I have to give, while my body is 75-pounds lighter.  It’s a metaphor worth appreciating…

Gabriel and his favorite aunt!

My food was a hit, and I loved sharing it with my friends.  I made tuna tar tare with wasabi on cucumber.  Chicken with whole wheat bread crumbs, low-fat Jarlsberg cheese and prosciutto.  I also made some baked apples filled with nuts and figs, and lastly I made these whole wheat pizzas with fresh basil, mozzarella, mushrooms and tomatoes.  The one ‘splurge’ I allowed myself was my mom’s wonderful low-fat cheesecake.  I’ll admit, I had another piece tonight and haven’t worked out in a few days, so I feel a little bit guilty about it.  

Whole wheat pizza dough before I rolled it out

Pre-baked pizzas

Some of my favorite healthy cooking ingredients (Mr. Potato head not included)

Healthier ingredients used to bake chicken (red bowl: soy milk and egg whites, blue bowl: whole wheat flour, pink bowl: whole wheat bread crumbs)

I haven’t weighed myself in about 5 days, so I’m not sure what the scale will say.  On one hand, I haven’t been working out as much ever since the daylight savings changed.  But I’m moving around quite a bit at work.  Yesterday I was hungry and went into the museum and bought myself a $1 apple.  It was a pretty darn good apple!  Tomorrow is our work holiday party, which will pretty much be a lot of bad-for-you-food, which is the fun of it, except when you’re trying to lose weight!  Most people I’ve had a chance to really talk to at work know about my Lap Band, so that’s pretty neat.  I am looking forward to the party though, because it’ll be a good time to socialize.  I’m bringing some cookies from Trader Joe’s.  I’ll have to really be good though!

I am working toward my goal of being down 80 pounds by my 1-year “Bandiversary” on January 15th.  And my goal of being down 100 pounds by July.  And my long term goal is to be down 120 pounds.  So, if you look at it this way…I am only about 40 pounds away from my long term goal!  

I went running on the treadmill tonight and saw my reflection in the gym window.  I felt really proud of myself.  Not only watching myself jogging, and knowing that I forced myself to the gym tonight (I really, really didn’t want to go), but also just seeing how much better I look.  More fit.  In shape.  Slender.  And most importantly … Happier!  

I really have this feeling that I can accomplish anything in my life.  I’ve made some very brave decisions this year in a variety of areas of my life, and I am proud.  I am still “in my  head” about my goals and my future, but I am proud of how far I have come the past 11 months.  

Oh, this is cool – my friend Leslie is going to interview me for an article in a magazine!  It’ll be about my weight loss journey, and I am stoked!  And I will be in Paris for my 1-year “Bandiversary” – just by coincidence, but I think it’s very cool!

Food still makes me happy, without question.  But I have a totally newfound respect for it.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE cooking, and I enjoy food and produce.  I think more deeply about foods.  And tastes.  And ways to enjoy it.  I don’t eat fast food or drink soda anymore.  I don’t stuff my mouth without really thinking about what is going inside.  Even nights where I don’t cook and I heat up a Trader Joe’s frozen meal, for some reason, I just appreciate it more.  I don’t know what’s changed exactly.  Because, as I said, my Lap Band didn’t cause me to have an aversion to food.  In fact, I might even enjoy food more so.  But now, just in a totally different way.  I am constantly paying attention to my relationship with it.  And I am not perfect.  I snack and I eat the wrong foods sometimes at the wrong time.  But it just doesn’t seem to occur as often.  

I am having a big Christmas party at my apartment next Monday night!  My sister, brother-in-law and 3-month old baby nephew, Gabriel, will be over.  I’m inviting over my close friends in the area for a night of food and fun and merriment.  I am already planning on what I am going to cook.  I just enjoy food so much more now, and the idea of sharing it with those I love.  I’m sure I’ll write about what I decide to cook later on in the week.

Anyway,  I guess I just wanted to write to anyone who is listening.  If you struggle with weight issues.  I understand.  But it is possible to tackle the issue and see success.  Battles with weight almost become so commonplace.  I know I will always struggle and will always, forever, have to watch my weight.  But at least I can get all that I have gained off and create a new perspective of myself and life in general.

And you can, too!  Be strong and go forth.

These are the reasons I am SO GLAD I live in a city – I can save on gas, enjoy the weather and most importantly, get exercise doing some day-to-day things or Atlanta outings.

1. Piedmont Park
2. The High Museum
3. Fox Theatre
4. Atlanta Botanical Garden’s
5. Arden’s Garden Organic Smoothies
6. Outwrite Bookstore
7. Helmet Hairworx (my amazing hair stylist Rexx moved here and I can still walk to get my hair done and see Sexy Rexxy!)
8. Yoga Studio
9. Solomon Projects Art Gallery
10. Numerous places to grab a bite
11. Coffee Shops! Coffee Shops! I heart Espresso!
12. Bank of America
13. Trader Joe’s
14. Midtown Art Movie Theatre
15. Metro Dry Cleaners
16. Utrecht Art Supplies
17. And of course…the gym!

Smoking doesn’t just hurt you, it hurts those around you, too. Second-hand smoke is just as bad, if not worse. Plus, it just smells awful. And it’s something unhealthy that a person can’t share with you. I mean, it’s great for folks to have their own hobbies, but if someone’s hobby is to smoke, that’s not fun for your partner or friend to be around.

So what made my addiction to food different? I never got mad at anyone for telling me I should lose weight. I guess I finally realized by weight was affecting those around me, too. For instance, things like sex and hiking with a partner would be so much more fun when I was more fit! I hope I never got mad at anyone for holding me accountable. If I did, I am sorry. I know you were just trying to look out for me. I still HAVE to eat. Smokers don’t HAVE to smoke. Alcoholics don’t HAVE to go to bars. So, that’s the tricky part. You literally have to learn how to LIVE with what you struggle with. You can’t just sweep it under the rug. Sometimes, I wish I was a smoker and then I could just get on the patch and not have to deal with it at all. But on most days, I am grateful that I still have to face food day to day. I have to think to myself, “am I really hungry or am I just bored.” I feel like it makes me respect food and I work on not giving too much power to it.

Dr. Oz said that in order to quit smoking, you need a quit date. This is something I’ve always believed strongly in for any addiction. My quit date was the date of my surgery. Putting moments in time are the only way to make them “real.” If you just say, “one day…” that day may never come. And you can never really get rid of an addiction, you just have to transfer it to something healthy.

And finally, you have to believe that you are WORTHY of living a (insert your addiction here) free life! You really, really have to believe that. And know you are strong enough to succeed. And have a great support system of friends and family.

Smoking causes sinus infections. Who knew? It’s from the constant sucking on the cigarette. I am anti-smoking, but I am not above seeing that I have my own stuff to work on. But I am proud to say that I am working on it…and pretty darn successfully thus far

I hope to my friends who struggle with addiction will see that addiction affects those around you, too. Because, simply put, you are so loved.

*This post was brought to you in part by JAS – Julie Against Smoking*