It looks like Carnie Wilson is having (another) weight loss surgery.  After she lost a lot of weight, she then had transfer addiction and became an alcoholic…so I guess she’s kicked that habit and is back at trying to get her weight under control.  This is proof that having weight loss surgery isn’t a permanent solution.  Those who struggle with weight…will probably always struggle with weight…the immediate results after having weight loss surgery are awesome!  But then 2-3-4 years out of surgery, you’re like, “Oh wait, I have to keep eating low carbs and working out, don’t I?”  I have mixed feelings about Carnie Wilson having weight loss surgery…again.  Most people don’t have that kind of money to undergo weight loss surgery more than once, and again, weight loss surgery isn’t a one trick pony.  On the other hand, she’s brave to admit that she still has struggles with her weight challenges, and of course, I am happy she is opting to get the Lap Band this time around!

Here’s the article on CNN.

I can’t really bring sandwiches for lunch because bread is too bulky for my lap band, so I will have a hard time planning ahead with my busy schedule.  Right now, I am setting goal to bring my lunch 3 days-a-week and leave the other 2 for spontaneous lunch dates with colleagues and friends.

Last night my friend Erika came over for dinner and I made enchiladas, which is what I am having as leftovers today for lunch!  The best kind of enchiladas to make is with Velveeta cheese.  That plastic-y, modified, block of cheese is so disgusting, EXCEPT when you make it for enchiladas!  I don’t know what the hell it is about Velveeta and enchiladas…I think the way it melts is perfect.  On the other hand, (I have only made enchiladas with Velveeta twice), with every bite I take, I feel my heart clogging.  So, I decided last night to make my famous enchiladas with low fat shredded store bought cheese from Trader Joe’s.  I was worried the cheese would cook and become too firm (I like it cheesy!) but to my excitement, the enchiladas came out really well!  I don’t measure (my excuse is that I am creative) but this is how I cooked my enchiladas:

1.  Simmer low fat beef (I have substituted ground turkey) in pan with pinch of sea salt, EVOO, lots of pepper, splash of red wine, dash of cinnamon, lots of garlic, nice sprinkle of red pepper flakes, taco seasoning (optional)

2.  Heat up corn tortillas (healthier than flour) so they get bendable.  The challenge with corn tortillas is they are very dry can can easily fall apart, so I have found it’s important to toss them in the microwave for 1 minute just to heat them up.

3.  Open up can of Trader Joe’s cuban style black beans.  Drain out liquid stuff

4.  Take 2 corn tortillas per each enchilada (the tortillas are small and having two of them helps keep it all together) and place 1 to 1/2 spoon fulls of beef in each one.  Roll up and place in non stick pan.

5.  After the enchiladas are laid out, pour black beans over enchiladas, Trader Joe’s peach salsa (my fave!!), and about 1/2 bag of low fat shredded cheddar cheese.

6.  Bake in oven at 400 degrees for about 30-40 minutes.

We had the most beautiful blue skies after a night of storms.  Definitely a symbol that some of the most beautiful weather is born out of some of the darkest.

I also shared a cinnamon roll with Alfredo yesterday @ Radial Cafe.  I just had to admit to that.  It was worth the calories.  A homemade cinnamon roll.  Mmmmmmmm.   Now back to a low carb work week!

I went on a weekend meditation retreat in New York City where I got to meditate with Thich Nhat Hanh!  Of course, I was with hundreds of other people, but just to be in the same SPACE as TNH was probably as awesome as it must have been to meet Buddha or Jesus.  His energy is other-worldly.  I bought a Zen calligraphy print he made that says “Peace Is Every Step” that now hangs on my kitchen wall.  Every morning, I am reminded that I am just where I am supposed to be.  Peace really is every. single. step.  Ambitious by nature, these two experiences this year have been a call to non-action.  Or at least, realizing what to take action on and what to take non-action on.

I have been working out with my trainer Paul 2 days a week!  I am definitely losing inches and getting leaner and stronger, but I haven’t lost a tremendous amount of weight.  So this causes frustration for me.  But instead of giving up, I think about the 65 pounds I HAVE lost and tell myself to take action-non-action.  Take action with working out and eating right, but take non-action as far as letting my body lose the weight in its own time.  Having lost so much weight so quickly, my brain wants IMMEDIATE results.  But I have to remind myself that “Peace Is Every Step” – and every workout is leading me through the journey and toward the destination.

This has been a whirlwind of a year – between remaining ambitious in my career, working out with Paul, being a good friend, traveling across the world and meditating with an icon, if peace really is every step, I am enjoying putting each foot in front of the other.

I have started fitness bootcamp and this is a brand new endeavor that I never-in-a-million-years thought I would take on.  When I look back on my life, I dreaded any type of physical activity that involved me being around other people.  I loved playing basketball – but I was always the slowest person on the team.  Those damn suicide drills literally felt like emotional & physical suicide.  I despised P.E. class.  I cringed at the fitness competition my elementary school had to do each year.  Recently, my best friend and I visited our Elementary school and I laughed at how I would cheat on the number of straws I had to represent how many laps I took around the field.  What a nightmare!  I didn’t as much mind the gym – everyone kind of keeps to themselves.  But to workout with people was a total non-desire.  It always made me so anxious that other people would see what poor shape I was in!

I turned a corner 2 weeks ago when a friend of mine convinced me to join Fit Wit.  She told me how nice everyone was – said there are some people who are super hardcore fit – and others who are average – and some that are beginners – but that everyone is very supportive.  I really hated the idea of doing something that put me in a situation where I had to exercise with other people in a confined space – do drills and stuff.  Well, long story short I decided to do Fit With b/c I was awarded 1 free session (6-weeks) b/c I wrote a blog entry for a competition they were having on why I deserved a free session.

Today was the first day of my 3rd week doing bootcamp … and I can’t believe these words are about to come out of my mouth … but I LOVE IT!  Everybody is so nice and supportive!  The trainers definitely push you, but they aren’t like those psycho trainers you see on TV (I am thinking of the Military sergeant in the movie Full Metal Jacket).  And on top of this, I am really enjoying all the different activities we do each night.  It spices it up.  I am not dreading saying to myself, “Ugh, I have to go to the gym and get on the treadmill for 30 minutes).  Instead, there are little activities you do in short but difficult increments of time.  Everything is thought out for me too, so I just have to literally show up and do it!  I am still learning how to do the correct form for some of the stuff – like squats.  And I get a full 1-hour workout 4 days a week.  I haven’t lost any weight yet, I think my body is like, “Whoa!  What the hell are you doing?”  But I am staying confident that I am building muscle and the weight will come off.  I don’t think I have ever pushed myself this hard before in such a short amount of time too.  If I can do it, I know you could, too.

Last Friday was my 2-year Lap “Bandiversary” and I was awarded, serendipitously, camper of the week!  I won 20-free dance classes!  There are so many moments during the camp when I think to myself, “I f***ing can’t believe I am actually doing this!”  I picture how scared I was 2 years ago going into the hospital and now knowing what kind of person I would become when I walked out of there.  It’s fun to push myself.  Even though I have lost 90 lbs, I want to push my body and mind even further.  I want to be in tip top shape.  I want to keep changing over time into being a better, healthier “me.”  It takes time, and I know I am not perfect, and don’t always eat perfectly or have the perfect thoughts or attitude or energy – but at least I am making baby steps!

I will never forget when my sister pulled me aside during our “you need to lose weight” talk.  We were in the Bahamas during Christmas of ’06 – when I fell off that jet ski – and was the moment I realized I needed to lose weight.  (Read my blog entry about it here.)

Although I didn’t have major medical issues, I knew I was on my way to having something like diabetes if I didn’t lose weight.  I was still in denial.  I remember saying to my sister, “What if I try really hard to lose weight and I end up dying from something else, like a coconut falling on my head, or a car crash?” And she said, “Well, at least you know you tried everything you could.”  So it was kinda like one of those thoughts, “What if I tried really hard to not die from a bad heart or diabetes but something else ends up killing me anyways.”  I guess that’s a normal reaction.  But I knew I needed to do everything I COULD to be healthy.  We are out of control in so many ways in our lives.  So if I end up dying from a coconut falling on my head, I guess so be it.  At least loved ones, and my own Spirit, won’t be able to say, “If only she had done something about that weight.  She could have lived longer.”

This brings me some sort of peace.  Also a little anxiety when we realize how out of control we are.  Elizabeth didn’t ask for cancer.  Errin didn’t ask for that fateful Tuesday morning.  But perhaps there is some peace in something happening to you that’s outside of your control.  It brings up Spiritual/Religious/Existential questions.  But nobody can ever say, “If only they had done something different”  It was what it was.  So for me, I am trying to live a healthy life so that I can have as many years on this planet as possible … to travel the world … make a difference … have a family.  And if something, by fate’s chance, happens.  Then it is to be.  At least I can say that I am taking my own health in my hands.

I am proud to say that I have officially lost 93 pounds!!!  I can’t believe it!  I had a huge drop this week – I lost like 6 pounds.  I am not really sure why…I haven’t been overly trying, nor have I not been trying.  Plus, it’s the holidays, and even the healthiest of people are overcome with food temptations!  I am only 6 pounds away from losing 100 pounds!  I honestly can’t believe it!  The Lap Band has honestly saved me.  It’s been hard, lots of acid reflux, vomiting, saying “no” to cookies, waking up at 7am to train for my first 10K, etc.  It has not been easy.  But it’s surely been worthwhile.

Visit my blog at Live Life To The Fullest

I feel like I have been eating out a lot lately.  I have been working out on and off – I haven’t been as strict but I haven’t been slack either.  I need to be a little more strict though – like tonight I didn’t work out but I should have.  The trick is not making myself feel bad about this.  Tomorrow is a new day!

My favorite thing I ate today was a tiny sliver of cheesecake at work.  If you know me, you know that I LOVE CHEESECAKE.  I swear – cheesecake is the only food that I literally feel like it goes straight to my soul.  When my mom was pregnant with me, she only had  a craving for cheesecake.  So it’s not surprising that my favorite food in the world is cheesecake.  A co-worker made some and I took a little sliver of it b/c I didn’t want to feel denied – but I also didn’t want a whole piece.  It’s nice that I can show myself that I can have a little of this and a little of that and still feel in control.  I will admit, when I go to NYC in 2 weeks, I am definitely going to have to get NYCheesecake (to me, the “C” in cheesecake is deserving enough to be part of the NYC abbreviation).

I ordered some cold weather running pants and a little glove and hat so now I have zero excuse not to workout even in a blizzard!

I really enjoyed Julie & Julia.  I actually liked the part about Julia Child better than the Julie part (despite my favor in name )  I think the “Julie” part – being about a blog writer definitely relates to a younger audience.  If they made a feature autobiographical movie about Julia, I don’t think it would have gotten the same audience and warm response from people of all ages.  Of course, perhaps I am just jealous that a blog writer got her blog made into a movie!

Tonight I made some spicy thai shrimp.  I steamed the shrimp in a pot.  I always find it a funny science that in order to thaw something, you let running COLD water onto it.  One would think you would do hot water.  This little tid bit makes me smile for some reason.

I mixed the shrimp in with some fresh mushrooms and spicy green curry sauce from Trader Joe’s.  Then I mixed it together with some peanut sauce.  Peanut sauce makes everything taste good!  This would have been really good with rice, but I am keeping my commitment to only eat carbs 2 times per week.  I had  a pretty “carby” weekend (I’ll just make that a word), so I served it on top of spinach.  It looks a little messy in the photo but it was very tasty!

Spicy thai shrimp

This is from my blog Live Life To The Fullest

My weight was at a standstill but now it seems to be heading South again – which I am really grateful for!   I think it’s a mixture of a bunch of reasons, but I think I have hopefully gotten over my plateau.  I weighed myself yesterday and lost 3 more pounds.  This puts me at being down 84 pounds!

I went running today with the Atlanta Track Club – my friend Ben works for the ATC and organizes a running group for Monday nights.  I sometimes feel intimidated because I’m not a “runner” – I am happy to run for a long period of time – I have run up to 2-3 miles, but that was after consistent running.  After I got sick this year with that month-long sinus infection, it really took me back a few steps in my training – so I feel like now I have some catching up to do.  I met Ben in the park with the other runners.  There was this older man who wanted to run 7-miles.  I was like, “Okay crazy man!  Why don’t you start and I won’t follow!”  Anyway, I did 2 miles of a nice walk/run combo.  It was sooo hot today in Atlanta!  And I wasn’t wearing my good socks and I should have worn my good socks.  Socks really made a big difference!!  I was so sweaty and gross, but still decided to go to my gym and lift weights.  It felt great!

I am just really trying to focus on getting off my 100 pounds (short term goal).  As Ben said, “just think about where I was this time last year.”  I know!  Two years ago I was traveling in California with my ex and visiting my sister and brother-in-law.  Now 2 years later, I am in SUCH a difference place.  Two years goes by quickly but it also goes by slowly, ya’ know?  Like, I just can’t believe  what 2 years means.  It means changes and transition and ups and downs and strengths and faith and friendships and continuing to know I will reach my goals!  Just gotta keep on persisting and truckin’ along!  I really have to remind myself how far I have come!  And know if I have made it here, I can make it there.

I actually am still not 100% comfortable looking at old pictures of myself.  Maybe it’s because I am still trying to reach my goal weight?  Or maybe a part of me is embarrassed at how much I let myself go?  That time in my life was really important for many reasons – both where I was and where I was going.  This is a pic my ex took of my sister and me at the Tower of Terror – this pic is kind of symbolic of what a crappy place I was at in my life at the time!

My sister and me in CA. Tower of Terror has multiple meanings here - so much was going on in my life when this picture was taken!!

Most recent photo taken of me this past Sunday

This is from my blog Live Life To The Fullest