I feel like I have been eating out a lot lately.  I have been working out on and off – I haven’t been as strict but I haven’t been slack either.  I need to be a little more strict though – like tonight I didn’t work out but I should have.  The trick is not making myself feel bad about this.  Tomorrow is a new day!

My favorite thing I ate today was a tiny sliver of cheesecake at work.  If you know me, you know that I LOVE CHEESECAKE.  I swear – cheesecake is the only food that I literally feel like it goes straight to my soul.  When my mom was pregnant with me, she only had  a craving for cheesecake.  So it’s not surprising that my favorite food in the world is cheesecake.  A co-worker made some and I took a little sliver of it b/c I didn’t want to feel denied – but I also didn’t want a whole piece.  It’s nice that I can show myself that I can have a little of this and a little of that and still feel in control.  I will admit, when I go to NYC in 2 weeks, I am definitely going to have to get NYCheesecake (to me, the “C” in cheesecake is deserving enough to be part of the NYC abbreviation).

I ordered some cold weather running pants and a little glove and hat so now I have zero excuse not to workout even in a blizzard!

Today my family (mom, dad, grandma, sister, brother-in-law and baby) all came to the High to see the our new (and amazing!) First Emperor exhibit.  I grew up with my family taking my sister and me to the High Museum, but it was totally fun to take them today now that I work there.  I kind of felt so grown up, haha.  It was a very fun day.  Except we had lunch afterwards at Table 1280, and my Lap Band acted up when I was eating my burger.  It was just the meat part, no bread, and I ate maybe 1/3 – 1/2 of it and then I just felt so much restriction.  I don’t think that I ate too much, but I don’t think I chewed by meat well enough and I had to run to the bathroom to throw up.  Kind of sucked that my parent’s paid for lunch that went to waste, haha, but sometimes you just gotta give in to the band!

I’ve been listening to Coldplay a ton lately.  All of their CD’s.  Coldplay is one of those bands that can either be reflective and beautiful or vulnerable and depressing, just depending on what state your head is in at the time of listening to them.  The weather is cloudy today.  I’ve been really missing being in a relationship lately, and I’m trying to not let that get me down.  I’ve had feelings for some people this year, but nothing that I wanted to take to the next level.  I know that someone amazing will come into my life again at the right time, I just have to remain patient!  And I am not good at keeping patient!  I have to keep the main focus on me.  Seeing my sister and brother-in-law and their baby *really* make me want a family one day.  New Year’s Eve is approaching, and I think about the place I was in my life that time last year, and there have been so many positive changes since that time, of which I am so proud of.  Oh, this NYE I’ll be in New Orleans, which is going to be so much fun!  With 2009 just around the corner, I am looking great.  I have a great job.  I have great people around me.  I guess I’m just itching to meet that next person in my life who will sweep me off my feet  - but I don’t want to do the whole online dating thing (not that there’s anything wrong with it).  I just want to meet someone again the organic, old-fashioned way – I know, that’s sooooo 90′s of me!  You know, the old way – through a friend or through some mutual shared hobby.  I guess when it’s the right time, it’ll be time.  I’ve just been thinking a lot lately about what I want in a person in my next serious relationship, as I have grown so much and know more of what I’m looking for and deserve.  

I am very excited about my life and what this New Year will bring for me.  I have to keep working hard at losing my weight and being healthy, and again, keep the focus on what I do have in my life, not what I don’t have.  And when the time comes for my heart to be open again toward love, I know it’ll be the right person at exactly the next right time!  Until then, I’m keeping positive and reflective and hopeful.  My heart is heavy with all of the love that I have to give, while my body is 75-pounds lighter.  It’s a metaphor worth appreciating…

Gabriel and his favorite aunt!

My food was a hit, and I loved sharing it with my friends.  I made tuna tar tare with wasabi on cucumber.  Chicken with whole wheat bread crumbs, low-fat Jarlsberg cheese and prosciutto.  I also made some baked apples filled with nuts and figs, and lastly I made these whole wheat pizzas with fresh basil, mozzarella, mushrooms and tomatoes.  The one ‘splurge’ I allowed myself was my mom’s wonderful low-fat cheesecake.  I’ll admit, I had another piece tonight and haven’t worked out in a few days, so I feel a little bit guilty about it.  

Whole wheat pizza dough before I rolled it out

Pre-baked pizzas

Some of my favorite healthy cooking ingredients (Mr. Potato head not included)

Healthier ingredients used to bake chicken (red bowl: soy milk and egg whites, blue bowl: whole wheat flour, pink bowl: whole wheat bread crumbs)

I haven’t weighed myself in about 5 days, so I’m not sure what the scale will say.  On one hand, I haven’t been working out as much ever since the daylight savings changed.  But I’m moving around quite a bit at work.  Yesterday I was hungry and went into the museum and bought myself a $1 apple.  It was a pretty darn good apple!  Tomorrow is our work holiday party, which will pretty much be a lot of bad-for-you-food, which is the fun of it, except when you’re trying to lose weight!  Most people I’ve had a chance to really talk to at work know about my Lap Band, so that’s pretty neat.  I am looking forward to the party though, because it’ll be a good time to socialize.  I’m bringing some cookies from Trader Joe’s.  I’ll have to really be good though!

Golden Delicious she is not.  The woman is a pioneer on Food Network.  I get that.  But people always give her the benefit of the doubt, “But did you know she used to be agoraphobic and never left her house?”  Really?  I don’t care.  She scares me!  

The episode we watched was all about CHEESE.  And I do *LOVE* cheese, myself.  But it’s frightening what she cooks.  How does she still have a pulse?  Has she not had a cardiac arrest?  Are her arteries not clogged with fat and resentment?  

The best was the “Fried White Chocolate Cheesecake” she made.  As if cheesecake (which is my FAVORITE dessert) isn’t fattening enough, why make it white chocolate?  AND WHY FRY IT?  How are you still alive, woman?  It was funny to watch because the audience was in glutton shock.  Every time you thought she was done with the damn thing, she’d continue in her southern drawl by going, “And that’s not all!”  … “Now we’re gonna drizzle it with chocolate…and that’s not all … now we’re gonna wrap it in a crepe … and that’s not ALL, y’all … now we’re gonna fry it.  And that’s not all … now we’re gonna top it off with real whipping cream … and that’s not all … now we’re gonna drizzle it with chocolate and powdered sugar … don’t forget the fresh mint on top!…”  

Katie and I were in such horrific shock we were screaming at the television set as if Paula could here us, “Please Paula!  Make it stop!”  We added up all the calories on Katie’s calorie counter on her computer and I think it came to about 2500 calories for just the cheesecake.  I’m supposed to have 1200 calories a day on my Lap band.  Most women are supposed to have 1700-2000 calories a day for a healthy metabolism.  WTF Paula!  One piece of your cheesecake is over double what I’m supposed to have in a day.  You are evil and I think your teeth are too sharp and pointed for you to be a human being with a heart (that’s not clogged).  

I’m telling you that this charade of “And that’s not all’s…” went on for what seemed like my entire 26th year of life.  I could feel my heart clogging just watching this.  Her overly bleached teeth and blue hair and that scary smile revel with delight that she is an evil monster that hides beneath fat people’s beds at night.  She is Paula Deen, dammit.  And this is her party.