Things are going pretty well in my life. I mean, I can always find something to complain about, “I need more money” … “Oprah is leaving me next year. WHY!!!!!” Last week really put a lot in perspective for me. I know 2 people who lost their lives. One was a sorority sister of mine, only 26-years-old, who died after a 2-year battle with cancer. The other person was friend of a friend who tragically died on Tuesday in an auto accident on her way to work. This really puts things in perspective, especially as we inch toward Thanksgiving.
I will never forget when my sister pulled me aside during our “you need to lose weight” talk. We were in the Bahamas during Christmas of ’06 – when I fell off that jet ski – and was the moment I realized I needed to lose weight. (Read my blog entry about it here.)
Although I didn’t have major medical issues, I knew I was on my way to having something like diabetes if I didn’t lose weight. I was still in denial. I remember saying to my sister, “What if I try really hard to lose weight and I end up dying from something else, like a coconut falling on my head, or a car crash?” And she said, “Well, at least you know you tried everything you could.” So it was kinda like one of those thoughts, “What if I tried really hard to not die from a bad heart or diabetes but something else ends up killing me anyways.” I guess that’s a normal reaction. But I knew I needed to do everything I COULD to be healthy. We are out of control in so many ways in our lives. So if I end up dying from a coconut falling on my head, I guess so be it. At least loved ones, and my own Spirit, won’t be able to say, “If only she had done something about that weight. She could have lived longer.”
This brings me some sort of peace. Also a little anxiety when we realize how out of control we are. Elizabeth didn’t ask for cancer. Errin didn’t ask for that fateful Tuesday morning. But perhaps there is some peace in something happening to you that’s outside of your control. It brings up Spiritual/Religious/Existential questions. But nobody can ever say, “If only they had done something different” It was what it was. So for me, I am trying to live a healthy life so that I can have as many years on this planet as possible … to travel the world … make a difference … have a family. And if something, by fate’s chance, happens. Then it is to be. At least I can say that I am taking my own health in my hands.
I am proud to say that I have officially lost 93 pounds!!! I can’t believe it! I had a huge drop this week – I lost like 6 pounds. I am not really sure why…I haven’t been overly trying, nor have I not been trying. Plus, it’s the holidays, and even the healthiest of people are overcome with food temptations! I am only 6 pounds away from losing 100 pounds! I honestly can’t believe it! The Lap Band has honestly saved me. It’s been hard, lots of acid reflux, vomiting, saying “no” to cookies, waking up at 7am to train for my first 10K, etc. It has not been easy. But it’s surely been worthwhile.
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