The new married couple! Katie, me and Park at their reception!!!
That is what Leona Lewis sings on her song “Better In Time.” I must admit, she is right. Today I am feeling a mixture of feelings. First off, I am feeling stronger than ever. I was listening to this song today when I went to the gym and did a 30-minute cardio workout and then lifted weights. The amount of sweat that left my body was amazing. It’s like I sweat so much more than I ever used to. My body is releasing…
My mind wanders onto thoughts about Love. This past weekend I was a Bridesmaid in one of my best friend’s wedding. I am also close with the Groom, so it was just so much fun. So beautiful. I’ve never seen two people truly that happy to marry one another. Seriously. They were like kids in a candy store, except the candy was each other and the store was a beautiful old church near Grant Park. I admire their marriage and friendship so much. I’ve known them both for over 10-years. And it was such an honor to stand next to Katie as she and Park said their vows. They’ve both really been so supportive of me this past year and for this I am so grateful.
Today is also the one-year anniversary of when I had a really difficult and sad break-up last year. I only know this date since it happened to be the day after the huge Dave Matthews Band concert in Piedmont Park last year, and three days before 9/11. Call me nostalgic, but dates and anniversaries are important to me. It shows me how far I have come. I don’t want to go into too much depth here (I’ll save that for my personal Moleskine journal), but I will tell you that I am…once again…feeling stronger than ever – in my head, heart and body. I have come a long, long way this year and I have shown myself my inner strength, my worthiness and my resilience. I have seen myself at my worst, picked myself up, and have made huge changes in my life – physically, professionally, financially and emotionally. I am also very wonderfully okay being single. Of course there are things I miss about being in a relationship, but my focus this year has totally been on myself. And it’s paid off. My friend Stephen said to me tonight that the reason I’ve succeeded is because I’ve made myself the priority and wasn’t afraid of my own vulnerability. I realized that I didn’t need to find myself through someone else or jumping into a new relationship. I simply found myself through myself. And I continue to do so…
And lastly, my sister is supposed to give birth to my new baby Nephew tomorrow!!! I am so, so excited I cannot even tell you. I don’t think I’ve been this excited and anxious about anything, ever! I can’t believe it! I can’t wait to go up to Los Angeles in about two weeks and meet Gabriel. It’s just yet another wonderful change that is happening around me. It’s amazing what can happen in one year. A new life can come forth!
I guess I am just super reflective tonight. I am in such a better place than I was this time last year. I was so sad about so many things. I had already planned to get my Lap Band, but didn’t have the surgery date set. I am not saying I am 100% where I want to be or that I still don’t get reminiscent, but it’s like all of these changes I have made this year have really paid off. And I chose to make these changes. I MADE THESE CHANGES. Nobody made them for me. All of them. I am down past 60 pounds. I workout 5-7 times per week. I pay my bills and on time. I only surround myself with friends who are positive, supportive and kind-hearted. And I know that I am okay just as I am, big-dreamer and all.
I share this with you to let you know that whatever you’re going through, just know it will all be okay. If you’re scared to get the Lap Band or are so upset or frustrated with your weight – just know that you can make the changes needed to get you from point A to point B. If you’ve had a break up this year and honestly don’t think that you can make it through, let me share with you that I’m living proof that you have inner strength and a support system around you like you never thought possible. Life can be a bumpy road, and sometimes it’s so hard, but just know that in one year you’ll be in such a different place. You have the power to make this happen. You just have to know that you’re worth making these changes in your life. I am a big believer in that how you show up in one area of your life, you show up in all the areas of your life.
Everything we do. Everything we are. Is connected. You have to surround yourself with people who are emotionally and physically healthy, and who are motivated to make life changes just like you want to make – no matter what it is. Dream big, but take it in baby steps. That is what I have learned this year! Baby steps. I can’t wait to lose 100 pounds! I am on my way! I dream about it! It’s a goal I never thought was possible, but now it’s within eye shot. But I have to take it one pound at a time. Dream about traveling to Africa! But take it one dollar (and Malaria shot) at a time. I’ve learned this year to remain a big dreamer, but also to be responsible and take my goals it in baby steps. I am constantly evolving, this is all one HUGE JOURNEY. But I am on my way. How have I lost over 60 pounds? I took it LITERALLY one pound at a time. How is it suddenly one year later? I took it literally one month at a time. I can’t compromise my big goals and dreams, because then I just wouldn’t be me. But what I can do is tackle my goals one step at a time. I CAN MAKE CHANGES in my life. I am not going to wait for that “one day” to come. I’m also not going to follow a path because it’s easy and convenient. I guess I’ve never really been that person. I know what I want and I’ve set off to achieve it. NO FEAR. I am on my way. And so are you.
Here’s to a great night, full of strength and love. Leona Lewis is right, she may just be a Pop Prophet. It will all get better in time.
