I was in Florida this past weekend visiting my grandparents (on my dad’s side) at their retirement home.  A lot of thoughts have entered my head during my stay.  Some sad.  Some happy.  Some indifferent. They moved here from PA about 2 years ago and I haven’t been down to see their new life in Florida.  First of all, FLORIDA IS HOT!  You’d think I’d be used to the heat being an Atlanta native, but the heat in Florida is like an oven…in Hell…on a July afternoon.

With Grandpa Marateck

I usually see the glass half full, and so in order to do this I have to find the cynicism and dry humor in situations.  If I can’t laugh at the situation, than I’m pretty much done for.  My grandparents are in pretty good health, luckily.   My Grandpa is almost 88 and my Grandma is 86.  They’ve been married for over 60 years!  That’s pretty awesome.  My relationship with my Grandma on my mom’s side is unique, she and I are like best friends.  I tell her everything! My paternal Grandparents (the ones I was visiting) and I have a more traditional Grandparents/Granddaughter relationship.  I love them and I am very grateful they are still around – fairing pretty well – and are happy at their retirement community in Florida.  

Have you ever been to a retirement community?  It’s a really odd experience.  As someone who likes entering certain sub-cultures, I tend to look at the situation as a mere experience. I think this stems from my Documentary Film/Photography/Ethnographic/Sociological background and interests.  I try to not get too attached to the situation because, well, then it just becomes too real.  I enter worlds as if I am an outsider who is writing a story for National Geographic or getting research for my Documentary Film.  I remember in college I took a Video Ethnography class;  one of my favorite classes that I took.  I made a Video Ethnography on skateboard culture.  A few years later, I did a Documentary Photography series on a North Carolina Gospel Church.  I guess I just like entering situation as a total outsider and creating observations, quips and visual diaries.  Like I said, it allows me to enter a situation and not get too attached to it.  I think this is what I needed to do while visiting my Grandparents, as to not get too depressed.  On the flip side, I have my own little sub culture here in Atlanta that you’re welcome to experience anytime

I think that if this had been a “Last Goodbye” (thank you Jeff Buckley) visit to see them, that would have been a different experience entirely, and I’m so glad it wasn’t.  This was a quick weekend visit to see their world.  My Grandma is in rehab because she broke her hip, but her rehab is on the premises of their retirement home.  

Okay, so some funny stories:

1.  Social politics don’t change, even when you’re old.  Everyone eating in the Dolphin Room (the cafeteria at the retirement home) sort of has their own table that they sit at every day.  It’s like being in high school all over again, except with canes and a sea of grey hair.  And they eat dinner at 4 in the afternoon.  That overlaps with Oprah and simply does not work with me.

I hope I am sitting at the "cool table!"

2.  Gossip is still prevalent.  My Grandpa told me a bunch of stories about “So and so the Gold Digger” or “She’s a Democrat!!” (obviously this is the worst thing),  or “He used to be a brilliant Physicist, now he’s lost his mind!”  And, “I don’t like him.  He’s a jerk.  He said such and such to me one night when I went up to his table at dinner.”  And, “This guy was at the Kennedy autopsy.”  Or, my favorite, “She’s sleeping with him, but she used to be with him.”  I guess no matter your age, there’s still room for gossip and social hierarchies.  

My Grandma, Grandpa and Dad - there's always time for some juicy gossip!

3.  What happens when someone dies who is living at the retirement community, I wondered?  Well, I found out.  On our way to Sunday Brunch in the Dolphin Room, there was a single white rose sitting in front of all the PO Boxes.  My grandpa says, “Ugh oh, that’s not good!”  We walked up to the flower and next to it was the persons name who had passed in the middle of the night with their room number.  And then, it was time for brunch!  I was thinking to myself, “That is so depressing and weird…the ‘notice’ that someone died before I eat?  I’m not so hungry for waffles anymore.”  

4.  Everyone talks about their ailments.  That’s pretty much it.  Oh, and sports.  I didn’t know old people enjoyed sports so much – I always thought that was just my Grandpa, but as it turns out, old people love sports teams!  

If you’re my age, you usually ask, “So, what do you do for a living?”  If you’re their age, it’s “How long were you in the hospital.”  I guess people are just people and simply want to find a way to connect and open a door for conversation.  It’s just still…macabre.  

Free blood pressure machine in the hallway; I guess one can never be too sure.

5.  Be active.  Old people are still involved with things like Woodworking, Bridge, pizza parties (yes, they  have those at the retirement home…sign me up!) and my favorite – Balloon Volleyball.  My other Grandma on my mom’s side, of whom I have an exceptionally close relationship with, lives in her own place that is attached to my parent’s home in Marietta.  She is SUPER involved.  I think that’s the key.  Keep your brain and body moving for as long as you can.  The only thing is, I’m not so sure I’d want to be in a retirement home when I’m old.  I mean, I feel like being around all the other old people would just make me feel…well, old.   But I guess all one really wants in this stage of their life is companionship, security, health and…stuff to keep busy with.

Those crazy bridge players are at it again!

My wild and crazy Saturday night!

 6.  Are old people afraid to die?  I’m not so sure.  I know that I’m afraid of not fully LIVING because there are so many things I want to do while I’m here!  I won’t like, the existential/spiritual thought of death is a little frightening if you really think about it, and I have, but that’s why it’s important to live and live and live until you don’t.

My two favorite death quotes:

“I’m not afraid of dying.  I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”  -Woody Allen

Peter Griffin:  ”Wait!  What’s heaven like?”  

Nate Griffin, Peter’s dead ancestor:  ”It’s fine.  But there’s a shortage of chairs.”  -Family Guy 

Again, my philosophy is to find the dry humor in this.  

Apparently you need to bring your own chair here, too. Lack of seating in my Grandma's hospital room causes my dad to take refuge in a wheelchair.

Anyway, my health has become super important to me.  I went on a jog around the retirement home not to be like, “HAHA!  Look at me Grannie!  I can run and you can’t!”  But because I was like, “Oh My God!  I am young and have my whole life ahead of me and I CAN RUN!  DO IT WHILE YOU CAN!”  Plus, I was trying to stay on track with my Lap Band.  I do want to live as long as I can if I have any say in this!  On one hand, it sucks to get old.  You’re sick and your body isn’t working like it did.  I spent some time in the Woodworking room with my grandpa’s friend, and he said, “A lot of people bring things in here for us to fix.  These things need fixing just like we do at our age.”  On the other hand, it’s great to get old because that means…you got the chance to grow old!  You lived your life!  

All of this ties back into my weight loss.  I want to be healthy in all the stages of my life. I know that what I am doing now will increase my chances to get old, and even when I’m old – well, maybe my body will last longer because I took care of it early on.  It will be interesting to see how my generation ages, with our awareness of vitamins and organic foods and exercise and sunscreen.  Will we age better?  Live longer?  On the flip side, obesity is a HUGE problem for younger people, so some people might not make it to live as long because of obesity health issues.  

I know this all sounds depressing, but see the glass half full.  You have a say in your weight and health to an extent.  Do we have control over everything?  No.  But do I have control over my weight or whether I smoke?  YES!  Genetics have some say, but so do I.    

For me, my weight has become a #1 priority.  I saw on CNN tonight that the #1 causes of cancer for folks 85-years-old and YOUNGER are smoking, obesity and lack of diet and exercise.  Start now!  

With the Higher Power permitting, I will be old one day.  And I’ll look damn good. 

Just don’t honor my death with a single white rose…I want a Jackson Pollock painting to symbolize my life.

Getting some fresh air! My dad and I took an afternoon to visit Thomas Edison's house.

There was this adorable old woman who rented out the “Card Playing Room” in the retirement home for her 90th Birthday.  Her daughter was there and her grandson, and they were wheeling her around in her wheelchair as she handed out invitations to her little birthday party.  I peeked inside her party room and there were balloons and cake and pictures of her (and her late husband) throughout her life.  There were little party hats and paper cups and plates.  I just had my 27th B-Day party at my place with pretty much the same stuff.  It made me think what kind of party I’ll have when I turn 90.  And this woman’s little 90th B-Day party was just so touching and adorable to me…and bittersweet.  For her 89th B-Day she spent it at Disney World!

That’s all one really wants, I suppose.  Family.  Love.  Celebration.  Support.  Community.  Happiness.   Health.  A Life Well-Lived.  (I would add adventure to my list)…

And apparently…

You want chairs.  

— 

This gives me a great opportunity to share a beautiful poem with you by one of my all-time, absolutely favorite poets.

Ode to the Chair
By Pablo Neruda 
From “Ode To Common Things” 

One chair, alone in the jungle.
In the vines’ tight grip
a sacred tree groans
Other vines spiral skyward,
bloodspattered creatures
howl deep within the shadows,
giant leaves drop from the green sky.
A snake shakes
the dry rattles on its tail,
a bird flashes through the foliage
like an arrow aimed at a flag
while the branches shoulder their violins.
Squatting on their flowers,
insects
pray without stirring. 

Our feet sink
in
the black weeds
of the jungle sea,
in clouds fallen from the forest canopy,
and all I ask
for the foreigner,
for the despairing scout,
is a seat
in the sitting-tree,
a throne
of unkempt velvet,
the plush of an overstuffed chair
torn up by the snaking vines -
yes:
for the man who goes on foot,
a chair
that embraces everything,
the sound
ground and
supreme
dignity
of repose!

Get behind me, thirsty tigers
and swarms of bloodsucking flies -
behind me, black morass
of ghostly fronds,
greasy waters,
leaves the color of rust,
deathless snakes.
Bring me a chair
in the midst of
thunder,
a chair for me
and for everyone
not only
to relieve
an exhausted body
but
for every purpose
and for every person,
for squandered strength
and for meditation.

War is as vast as the shadowy jungle.
A single chair
is
the first sign
of
peace.