I’ve been feeling a little stressed + bored lately.  Even though I had a really fun weekend, I don’t know, I’ve just been feeling super restless.  I’ve been internally a little bit anxious lately about certain people in my life and also waiting to get news on a job position.  Unlike other times, I feel very aware of my feelings.  Even this weekend when I’ve been happy or relieved about something, it’s like I can tell my serotonin shoots up and says, “Hey!  Yeah!  You’re relieved.  Now go eat to celebrate!”  And I have to think, “Okay, now am I really hungry or am I eating ’cause I am happy…”  It’s an ongoing discussion that I’ll probably have with myself for the rest of my life  

So yesterday I went on a walk/jog thru Piedmont Park which was really nice.  Then I felt like I ate a lot for dinner, so I went to the gym at around 9PM on a Saturday night before I met up with Stephen in East Atlanta.  I was proud of myself for channeling my boredom and stress into exercise.  It’s hard when you *really don’t feel like working out.  But, I told myself how much better I’d feel afterwards, and that I can’t control other people or situations, I can only control my actions.  

I counted my calories for the day and had a rough estimate that I had already eaten my day’s worth of calories in breakfast and lunch.  I went to brunch at the Flying Biscuit this morning with Edward and Simon.  I had an egg-white omelet and some chicken sausage.  I really wanted some orange juice but passed (too much sugar, although I will admit I had some later on in my day).  I guesstimated the calories for my Flying Biscuit brunch.  Then for a late lunch I snacked more than anything which wasn’t very healthy of me.  I kind of grazed a few of a lot of different things with no real intention.  Tonight Sean and I went to Noodle and I was so tempted to order something.  Of course I would order something healthy, like the chicken wraps, but still…

I never realized how hard it was to sit in a restaurant and not order food (plus, it helped to think about how I didn’t need to spend the extra money).  Since I was kinda restless today, I knew food would make me happy.  All I kept thinking about was the food at Noodle, which mind you, isn’t like covered in gold or anything.  So Sean ordered a Miso Noodle bowl.  I did have a few of his vegetables.  I made the waiter take my menu so I wouldn’t keep browsing it.  I was really proud of myself for not ordering food if I wasn’t hungry.  I didn’t want to be a sympathy eater.  

Last night at around 1AM Stephen and I went to the Midway in East Atlanta.  He was really hungry, I wasn’t all that hungry, but I was kind of wanting to still eat.  I really wanted to order a burger or their veggie corn dog!  But, I got a chicken salad with balsamic vinaigrette.  I ate a few bites and then said to myself, “SELF!  I’m not all that hungry right now, and it’s late, these calories won’t burn off.”  So I got my salad to go.  

Again, I don’t think people who love food like I do know how difficult these moments are.  It IS like saying no to a cigarette, a drink or a gambling weekend if you know that in excess, it’s not good for you.  It is hard.  Lately I’ve been feeling like these moments have been coming up a lot and it’s been tough.  There is still a loss, I feel, with not eating certain comfort food at 1AM (usually cheesy and bready) like I used to.  

But food, when it’s experienced right, is still so amazing!  It’s hard being a social being b/c food is all around you.  But I am proud of myself.  I think when I am busy again my life will feel like more of a groove.  I also don’t want to turn to food to deal with the stress and uncertainty of folks or situations.  I just want to feel how I am feeling and know that it’ll be okay.  And so far…it’s been alright  

Thanks for listening.  I’m about half-way to my ultimate goal!!!

P.S. – TLC’s how I Eat 30,000 calories A Day is on in the background.  Irony is bliss.