Chips Not So Deluxe?

It’s funny how you build certain things up in your head.  In my case, R. Thomas’ Chips Deluxe would fall into this category.  They are mighty TASTY if you’ve ever had them.  It’s tortilla chips with some organic cheese and their very own ‘cha cha veggies.’  I am not sure what makes them so ‘cha cha’ – but I made a joke to my friend Kathryn who was sitting with me that that’s the nickname of my vagina.  Again.  This was a joke.  

Anyway, back to the chips.  They were on my “must eat” list of ’07 (pre surgery).  I love these chips.  My friends love these chips.  Every time I have a visitor from out of town I always take them here, and we must get the chips!  Every R. Thomas visit in the past I always had to get ‘em.  What can I say – they are my fav!! But each time I have gone to R. Thomas since my surgery I have never ordered them.  Finally tonight, however, I did. I kind of had my mind set up on my way to dinner that tonight would be the night.  It felt kind of like when Baby decided ‘tonight would be the night’ she’d sleep with Johnny in Dirty Dancing.  If only my chips were on top of Patrick Swayze.  Yum.  

So I got ‘em.  And I ate mostly the cheese and those cha cha veggies on top.  For some reason, I just couldn’t eat the chip parts.  Just too many empty carbs.  It is amazing how my mind has changed since my new lifestyle.  I was SO AWARE of every chip I put into my mouth.  I might have eaten like 3 or 4 chips.  I mostly stuck to the stuff on top of the chips.  Not saying this was healthy either, but I went over in my head exactly what I had eaten today and decided it was okay.  Fortunately, I was with my dear friend who kept me in check.  She made sure I didn’t become a crazy chip monster because after all, I did have my order of the Thai Express on its way (quinoa, tempeh, onions, broccoli, red cabbage and I got the peanut sauce on the side).  

I talked to Kathryn about whether I felt guilty getting the chips.  Did I give in to temptation?  Or was it good for me to show myself that I can eat anything in moderation, and that I can stop myself?  What are your thoughts??  I am able to stop myself, which is a great thing I am extremely grateful for.  I don’t like justifying things – because if you spend too much justifying something, chances are, you shouldn’t do it anyway.  But, in all honesty, I felt pretty good.  I was able to eat some of the chips and not totally deny myself.  I barely ate the chips part – my brain just couldn’t eat those empty, salty carbs – which proves that I have had some inner changes within myself.  I didn’t finish the chips.  Kat said I hardly ate them, but in my mind I still went over all of this over and over again, sort of obsessively.  I guess I just want to succeed SO BADLY.  And I want this to be a lifestyle change.  Sometimes I worry, what if all my old habits come back after I reach my goal.  But then I tell myself (I have lots of conversations with myself) that I’ll be a different person by then, anyway.  I am already changing…

Plus, when I got home at 1:30AM I went to the gym.  I did cardio for 20-minutes and lifted some weights. Maybe to sweat out some of my guilt.  Maybe because I wasn’t as tired as I thought I was.  But then I get on my own case and am like, “I did 20 minutes of cardio.  I usually do 30.  I should have done 30 minutes.”  What’s up with that?  I need to be proud of myself for going to the freaking gym at 1:30AM on a Saturday and doing anything!  (((Patting myself on the back now))).  

I guess I’m hard on myself because no one else will be.  Nobody wants this more than I do.  And it’s time.  It’s so time.  One chip at a time.  

Everything was brought full circle when Kate came late to meet us after her show and I asked her on the phone if I could order her something?  She said, “Um, yeah!  Those chips!”  Damn you R. Thomas Deluxe Grill Chips.  Damn you.  

P.S. – A BIG shout out to R. Thomas Deluxe Grill on Peachtree.  One of my favorite restaurants in Atlanta.  Open 24 hours a day.  Great food, great people and healthy + organic minded!