I Wish I Could Sue Mother Nature

So…I have to walk 30-minutes a day for 2 weeks. Being couped up in my parent’s house has given me a lot of movie time (Once, No Country For Old Men, La Vie En Rose and The Simpsons Movie all ROCK) – but, I was getting a little stir crazy.

My dad was going to PetSmart to get the family dogs some stuff. I figured I’d go with him so that I could walk around the store and check out the cute animals and get some exercise. Walking around the store was fun and I even got a cute toy for my kitty, Rowan.

My dad and I leave the store and are walking to our car. My dad is a few steps ahead of me holding the bags. The next thing I know….”Zwoooooooooop!” I’m on the ground. Is that really a word? I don’t think so, but it’s the closest sound I can think of to falling.

What the hell just happened? Oh my god, I slipped on the ONE tiny patch of ice in the entire state of Georgia. And it HURT. I fell right on my side, where my most painful incision was. I called for my dad and he turned around and was like, “Julie! What are you doing? What happened?” I mean, clearly I FELL! I felt like saying to my dad, “Oh, I just decided to take a nap in the parking lot of PetSmart. The concrete feels great after surgery…” But, I decide to not be a smart-ass. My dad pulls me up and I realize I totally can’t walk. I sprained and twisted my right foot, pulled my muscle in my body where the port is sewn, and cut and banged my knee.

How ridiculous! Of course 3 days after surgery I would fall. I’ve only had 2 falling incidents in my life that are usually worth telling. They are more funny to tell when I am drunk, but I’ll give you a brief picture…

One was when I was interning in NYC and tripped and fell on some construction. New Yorkers had no time for this, so they just stepped over me and the spilled contents from my backpack. The only person who came to my rescue was a Drag Queen who said in her diva voice, “Honey, just take a cab.” Oh Drag Queens. They’re the best.

The other was this past summer at the Santa Monica Pier when I was getting off of a whirly ride called Little Inky. I plummeted to the ground hurting my OTHER foot. It was awkward when all the little kids waiting in line started clapping when I finally stood up. Hey, I was dizzy!

Anyway, I just wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry after my dad pulled me up. So, I did a little bit of both.

I couldn’t walk at all for 2 days (I had my sister help me crawl to the bathroom. Isn’t that site!). My foot didn’t look as bad as it did when I fell off Little Inky, but it hurt WAY, WAY worse, so I’m not sure what that was all about. I called the doctor to tell the nurse that my muscle where the port is sewn to was hurting worse and should I come in. She said that it was probably just badly irritated from using the muscle when I fell and to just keep an eye on it.

If I had fallen inside PetSmart, I probably could have gotten a great law suit, especially since my dad’s a lawyer. But, alas, it was just Mother Nature’s way of telling me that even though I was in extraordinary pain, there is always a funny story to be had from the experience.

And next time, I’m going to Publix.